Tragedystuck
by ChexalimXIX
Summary: Eight friends decide to play SBURB GAMMA! Thinking it would be something simple, they are thrown for a turn when it's not what they expect! T rating for language and violence. OC's used.
1. Birth of a Heart

Tragedystuck

Chapter 1

Birth of a Heart

*Note: For any kind of dialog, use CTRL + F and type in the code given if the conversation is referenced more than once*

Homestuck

A young woman stands in her bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 17th of October in the year 2009, is this young woman's birthday. Though it was seventeen years ago she was given life, it is only today that she will be given a name!

What will the name of this young woman be?

Enter name.

Alas, your attempt to name her is in vain. Her name plaque is already engraved!

Your name is MIRA CARMINE. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. You have blue eyes and blonde hair. You have donned your FAVORITE BIRD T-SHIRT, SKIRT, and YELLOW SNEAKERS for the occasion. You have a number of INTERESTS. One such interest is MIDDLE MANAGEMENT POSITIONS, and for this reason, you keep a number of STUFFED PLUSHIES around your room in order BOSS THEM AROUND. You take a keen liking to keep them ORGANIZED by name, as you like to ALPHABETIZE. Your favorite activity to keep you busy is BIRDWATCHING, as such you keep a number of BINOCULARS and BIRDWATCHING GUIDES on hand. However, you have a distaste for DUCKS, even ones of the RUBBER KIND. You like to DANCE but you ARE NOT EVERY GOOD AT IT. You are also in a PARTIALLY BAD MOOD, due to the STUPID DUCK ALRAM CLOCK she placed beside your bed. IT WENT OFF THIS MORNING and sounds ALMOST EXACTLY LIKE A DUCK, which you DETEST.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is cancrineChordate and You type in a rather b/eak/y b/and way.

What will you do?

Mira: Quickly retrieve arms from drawer

You run across the room to your DRAWER. You open it up and cannot find what you are looking for. Then you remember. The ARMS are in your BLAND CHEST.

Mira: Remove plushies from the top of the chest and retrieve arms

You wouldn't want to ruin the hours you've spent on organizing them, so you pick them all up gently and place them beside the chest and in front of the window.

You retrieve your FAKE ARMS from the chest. You have no real use for these; you got them as a GAG GIFT from a friend last year.

You CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX. You have no idea what that actually means though.

There are other items in the chest.

Mira: Examine items in the chest

This is where you have neatly stored SEVERAL PAIRS OF BINOCULARS, a NORTH AMERICAN BIRD FIELD GUIDE, a COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRATICAL JAPERY, SEVERAL DELICATE GLASS BIRDS, and FAKE ARMS (CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX).

Mira: Captchalog binoculars

You captchlog your binoculars in your sylladex for later use. You still don't understand what this means, but at least you're getting the hang of the vernacular.

Mira: Examine room

At one end of the room is your door, a set of drawers, and your bed in the corner. Your chest is in the corner adjacent to the bed, and between them is the window. In the opposite corner of the chest is your laptop on its desk. Someone appears to be pestering you. There appears to be some presents on your drawers.

Mira: Equip fake arms

You aren't totally sure "EQUIP" is a verb copacetic to the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell. You give it a try anyway.

Your LOTTERY MODUS seems to think otherwise, as the numbers stop on your binoculars. And really, why would you equip the arms anyway. You have arms.

Your binoculars gently drop to the floor. Since you don't want to leave the place cluttered, you captchalog them again, taking up another card of 17 you currently have in your sylladex.

Mira: Examine present for sweet loot

You walk over to your drawers and open the present. At the top of the box is a rubber duck. You immediately get flustered with it and chuck it out the already opened window.

You remove some tissue paper and find two delicate glass birds to add to your collection. You set them aside. Removing more tissue paper reveals a card with curly handwriting labeled MOM 3.

You cringe at the sight of it.

Your mom has always had a knack for ticking you off and then appealing to your better, yet boring nature. And for this reason you find her current state of mind rather amusingly copacetic to your pre-established expectations of what people should do.

Whatever.

You should probably answer your CHUM before he becomes a little RANCOROUS.

Mira: Answer chum

[A0001]

-acceleratingClockwork [AC] began pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 08:30-

08:30 AC: []happybirthday, Mira!

08:30 AC: acceleratingClockwork changed mood to CHUMMY.

08:30 AC: []?

08:31 AC: []youknow, ...

08:31 AC: []itgetsreallyannoying.

08:31 CC: We/ so does your stupid quirk. Who types /ike that, serious/y?

8:32 AC: []ido. ifinditveryfuntotypelikethis, sinceicanbelazythisway.

08:32 CC: It hurts my eyes. Especia/y with that extreme/y ridicu/ous red co/or. I find it very disp/easing.

08:32 CC: Oh wait. I'm so very sorry. It's not redicu/ous. It's typica/.

08:33 AC: []whatever. whatkindsofsweetlootdidyouget? o.O

08:33 CC: My mother gave me a stupid rubber duck, again. But I searched and found two, very pretty, de/icate, purp/e g/ass birds.

08:34 AC: []cool. didyougetmypresentyet?

08:34 CC: If I did, it's probab/y downstairs in the /iving room. My mother is down there watching her duck shows again. /ike she habitua/y does.

08:34 CC: What have you been busying yourse/f with /ate/y?

08:35 AC: []?

08:35 CC: Indeed.

08:35 AC: [], sostupid.

08:35 CC: Sounds rather disheartening. It is plausib/e and strong/y advised that you upgrade your modus.

08:36 AC: []yeahright. ifididthat, Figwouldshunmeforever.

08:36 CC: One shou/d not /eave their trust in someone /ike Fig. Especia/y when Fig is a naggy old lady who wouldn't know better.

08:36 AC: []Figisthebestpersoni'veevermet. ?

08:37 CC: You forget that I've studied you and your actions. You don't even seem mi/d/y p/eased with her. You'd rather be done with her.

08:37 AC: []yeah, that'strue. .

08:38 CC: You shouldn't stop /istening to his advice. Just make more decisions based off of what you be/ieve is right from now on.

08:38 AC: []iguessso. bobsaggit! ihavetogo. Fig'sactingupagain.

08:39 CC: I fare you we/ on your endeavors with that senile woman.

-acceleratingClockwork [AC] ceased pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 08:40-

Well, good ten minutes time well spent.

Mira: Examine Game Bro Magazine next to laptop

This month's article is all about the new SBURB game. The reviewer did not go into much detail, suggesting he did not play the game either at all or very extensively. It is possible however he was merely given the game, expected to play it and write an article about it. SBURB doesn't seem like it's worth all the hype it gets, according to this really crappy author.

You'll find out later.

Mira: Go check to see if your mother got the mail yet

You slide out of your chair and walk across the room to the door. You pause for a second to listen. She is still watching her duck documentary. That should keep her distracted long enough to check the mail, assuming she had retrieved it.

You check the window just in case. The red arm-swingy-dealy thing or whatever it is called is flipped down. She probably has gotten the mail, seeing as it came about an hour ago. You had watched the truck go by.

Swinging the door open, you reveal the hallway. Stairs in front of you lead down to the open living room bellow. The door to your right leads out to the balcony you like to birdwatch from. Two doors reside to the left most part of the hallway. The door that is visible to you leads to your mother's room. The other door, one you can't see, leads to your bathroom.

You lean over the railing, scanning all around for the mail. You can't seem to find it. You do however spot your mother sitting on the couch watching her stupid duck documentary. Wait...

The mail is right next to her, and there are several packages for you there; a red one, a navy one, a sky one, a crimson one, a pink one, and a gray one. Maybe one of them hasn't shown up yet? The red one is probably from AC, but you can't be sure.

Mira: Tiptoe downstairs and grab the presents while mom isn't looking

You quietly sneak downstairs in an attempt to get your presents. Unfortunately, the stairs creak beneath your feet. Your mother notices your presence. You quickly open your strife deck and grab your laserpointerkind. Your mother charges you and you brace for a strife.

Mira: Strife

Both of you engage in strife; she with her fluffy duck, you with your laser pointer. You attempt to aggrieve, but she auto-feathers you. You sustain minor recoil damage, blinking the laser light out of your eyes. You attempt to abjure with little success. She does not accept it and bores you to death with a duck story.

You youth roll over the couch, quickly captchaloging the presents. You need a way out.

Spotting the bookcase full of ducks, you keep your mom distracted with your aggrieve attempts. She keeps advancing. You duck behind the bookcase, knocking it over (no pun intended). She rushes over and distracts herself with fixing it.

You have overwhelming success with your improvisation. To avoid further strife, probable punishment, and grounding, you head back upstairs to your room. You can hear the continuation of the documentary and your mother's struggle with fixing her beloved duck collection.

It makes you sick.

Mira: Check Pesterchum

You return to your computer, closing your door behind you.

It seems while you were gone, several people began pestering you. You'll answer GT first.

[A0002]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 08:55-

08:55 GT: h3y br0

08:55 GT: h4ppy b1rthd4y 4nd sh1t

08:55 GT: y0u th3r3 br0?

08:56 GT: h4ng 0n, my br0 1s b0th3r1ng m3 4b0ut s03th1n. Brb

09:00 CC: Sorry. I had to dea/ with my mother. What did you need?

09:02 GT: 1 w4nt3d t0 s4y h4ppy b1rthd4y 4nd 4sk 1f y0u g0t my g1ft y3t

09:03 CC: Yes. I did retrieve your gift. However, it was on/y after a momentary strife with my mother.

09:03 GT: sh3 w4tch1n h3r stup1d duck sh1t 4g41n?

09:03 CC: Unfortunate/y.

09:03 GT: s0rry br0

09:04 GT: my br0 1s s0000 c00l d1d 1 3v3r t3ll y0u?

09:04 CC: On severa/ occasions.

09:04 CC: What occurred this time?

09:05 GT: ch3ck th1s sh1t h3 4nd 1 just str1f3d

09:05 GT: 0f c0urs3 my sh1tty p3nc1lk1nd 4nd sw0rdk1nd w3r3nt 3v3n 4 m4tch f0r h1s k1ck4ss f1stk1nd

09:06 CC: So? What is rea/y so specia/ about strife with your brother?

09:06 GT: 1 l34rn th1ngs m4n h3 1s th3 l34rn1ng sh1t

09:07 CC: That's a/ rather we/ and good. But I need to get back to AC. There's no te/ing what he's been up to since I've been absent.

09:07 GT: l4st 1 h34rd fr0m h1m w4s just 4 f3w m1nut3s ag0 br0

09:07 GT: kn33 d33p 1n h1s r0d3nt sh1t 4s usu4l

09:07 GT: s000 m4ny 1r0ns 1n h1s f1r3s

09:07 GT: 0r h3s pr0b4bly r4n l1k3 80 km just t0 g3t 4 stup1d p33bl3 0ut 0f h1s syll4d3x

09:08 CC: I suppose.

09:08 GT: wh4ts up w1th th4t br0s m0dus? S0m3 n4sty sh1t 1f 0u 4sk m3

09:08 GT: th3 fuck3rs 1ns4n3

09:09 CC: You rea/y shou/dn't ta/k any kind of shit.

09:09 CC: Especia/y with your Extreme/y Difficu/t Modus.

09:09 GT: h3y bl4m3 my fuckt4rd br0 f0r th4t n0t m3

09:10 CC: Who chose to ap/y the modus in the first p/ace?

09:10 GT: . . .

09:11 GT: y0u h4v3 4 p01nt th3r3... but h3s th3 dumb4ss t0 g1v3 1t t0 m3 1n th3 f1rst pl4c3...

09:11 CC: You're the dumbass to have accepted it, too.

09:11 CC: You rea/y don't know how to conduct yourse/f do you?

09:12 GT: h3y 1 d0 t00

09:12 CC: So have you gotten this "SBURB Gamma" yet?

09:12 GT: y34h but 1m n0t t0uch1n th4t sh1t

09:13 GT: g4m3 br0 r3v13w f0r 1t sucks up a sh1t st0rm

09:13 CC: You probab/y shou/dn't a/ways re/y on that shit rag for your gaming information.

09:14 GT: 1t g0t m3 s0m3 pr3tty n1c3 g4m3s s0 f4r

09:14 CC: And /ook where you've ended up with them a/. Bored to death with them.

09:16 GT: g00d p01nt

09:16 GT: 4C w4s b0th3r1n m3 4b0ut pl4y1n 1t w1th h1m

09:17 GT: 1 t0ld h1m 1 w4snt pl4y1n w1th h1m b3c4us3 1ts r3v13w suck3d

09:17 GT: 1 th1nk f1g agr33d w1th m3 th4t w3 sh0uldnt pl4y 1t

09:17 CC: What did Fig say?

09:18 GT: 1 dunn0

09:18 GT: s0m3 sh1t 4bout a "d00m3d s3ss10n" 0r wh4t3v3r

09:18 GT: c4n y0u pl4y 1t w1th h1m t0 shut h1m up?

09:19 CC: I'/ see what I can do.

09:19 CC: In the mean time, find yourse/f a new modus.

09:20 GT: f1n3

09:20 GT: just g3t b4ck to 4C l00ks l1k3 h3s g0n3 r4nc0r0us 4t y0ur "4bs3nc3"

-cancrineChordate [CC] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 09:20-

Man... Sometimes that kid can be such a pain in the ass. You had better get back to AC. Looks like GT wasn't lying about AC going rancorous.

[A0003]

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering cancrinChordate [CC] at 09:00-

09:00 AC: []heyi'mback.

09:05 AC: []dudeyouthere?

09:13 AC: []hello?

09:14 AC: acceleratedClockwork changed mood to RANCOROUS

09:15 AC: []youdiditagaindidn'tyou?

09:16 AC: []youalwaysdothis.

09:16 AC: []:[

09:18 AC: []iseeyou'retalkingtoGTbutnotme.

09:20 AC: []'t.

09:21 AC: []sinceyou'renothere.

09:22 CC: Ca/m down. I was on/y gone for 22 minutes.

09:23 CC: I suppose I wi/ p/ay since I'm certain that none of the others has it.

09:24 AC: []:] yaythanks.

09:24 AC: []althoughFigtoldmeweshouldn'tplaybecausethingswillhappen.

09:24 AC: []notsurewhat.

09:25 CC: I'm inserting it right now.

09:26 CC: Okay. It's insta/ing right now.

09:27 AC: []cool. ihavetheserverrunningrightnow. Itjustgotdoneinstallingforme.

The setup initiates and begins installing.

09:28 AC: []onceit'sdoneinstalling, you'.

09:28 AC: []thenwecanbeginplaying.

It looks like the setup is about halfway done.

09:29 CC: It's a/most there. Give it a minute or two.

09:29 AC: []okay.

09:30 AC: []whileyou'rewaiting, checkoutmypresent!

Since you ought to kill a little time, you luckily drop the red package from your Lottery Modus out on your desk. You pull it towards you and unwrap the package.

Inside is a glass casing with a clear crystal branch with a yellow glass song bird perched on it. The figure is attached to the base. The base has a small engraved strip of metal on the front.

"[]tothebestfriendever

-fromAC"

You set it up next to your laptop and admire it.

09:32 AC: []isitdoneinstallingyet?

09:33 CC: Yes.

09:33 AC: []okay. nowwecanbeginplaying

Mira: Switch to AC

You are now AC. You are sitting on your bed in your room. Let's give you a name shall we?

Enter Name

Unfortunately, your name plate is also engraved.

Your name is KIRK GARLAND. Your best friend's birthday is today and you have donned your FAVORITE RUNNING HOODIE, ALTHETIC SHORTS, and TYPICALLY RED SHOES for the occasion. You have dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and wear glasses. You have a number of INTERESTS. You like BEING BUSY and HELPFUL. You LOVE TO RUN and thus, you have A NUMBER OF TREADMILLS IN YOUR ROOM. You like to TROLL PEOPLE but AREN'T VERY GOOD AT IT. You strongly dislike SWEARING. You have MADE IT KNOWN TO YOUR FRIENDS and therefore, THEY DO NOT CUSS IN YOUR PRESENCE.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is acceleratedClockwork and you [].

What will you do?

Kirk: Get FAKE ARMS from CHEST

You don't see any FAKE ARMS or a CHEST anywhere. You usually like to keep prepared with everything in one of your FIVE SYLLADEXES.

You have 52 CAPTCHALOG CARDS in each and you have only filled up ONE SYLLADEX so far.

You begin to scan your SYLLADEX for FAKE ARMS, but have little success. Of course, you should probably get out your laptop and wish Mira a happy birthday. You hop on the treadmill and place the card on it. You had the treadmill built by another dear friend to read the distance needed on the card so you can pop out the item when you needed it.

You flip the on switch and begin a steady pace for a 10 km race. After about 30 minutes and a tiring 10 km run in place, out pops the laptop sure enough.

You begin pestering Mira about her birthday so far (scroll up to see the conversation, or hit CTRL + F and type [A0001]). You feel continue with your conversation when you hear a loud thump from outside your room. You leave out through the door to check what it is.

Sure enough it's Fig. Sounds like she's home.

One would say your house is small. And you would agree. The upstairs consists of a kitchen and your room. The main floor is the living room where Fig often can be found. The bottom floor is Fig's personal quarters, a place you do not often tread. She normally monopolizes it with her tea party ladies. Bluh...

A shout could be heard from the living room. What can Fig actually want this time? You carefully duck past the bathroom, which is right next to your room. Looking over the railing into the living room from the kitchen, Fig seems to be upset about something.

You drag yourself to attention in the kitchen.

You hear Fig lumber up the stairs over into the kitchen. You back up a little because you know how she likes her space.

FIG: Kirk.

Fig begins speaking. She looks intently up at you, wispy graying hair, old umbrella and all.

FIG: We need to talk about this game you're about to play.

KIRK: []ohyoumeanSBURB? whataboutit?

FIG: I'm not going to let you play it.

KIRK: []whynot?

FIG: Something bad will become of that game if you do and I won't be able to stop it.

FIG: I have seen it and wondered. This will not bode well.

KIRK: []whatifiwannaplay?

FIG: I will not stop you. However, millions will die if you and your friends choose to play this game.

FIG: Additionally, I do not believe you are strong enough for this challenge.

KIRK: []whatmakesyouthinki'mnotstrongenough?

FIG: We'll strife and I will show you why.

KIRK: []Fig, no!

Kirk: Strife

Against your wishes, Fig lunges at you. Using deadly umbrellakind, have no choice but to take out your deckcardkind in self defense. She attempts to smack your foot but you youth roll behind the table. You fling a couple of cards at her face which slows her down. Her advance only continues.

You back up against the railing and hear a loud smack on the table. It cracks in two, both halves falling to the floor. You fling more cards at Fig's face. You really don't like this naggy old lady.

Your best bet is to jump down into the living room and make a break for the downstairs. You scale the railing and land artfully on the floor below. Fig takes the bait and crashes through the railing. Darn, that lady is strong.

You make a mad dash for the downstairs, but realize why torture yourself when you can easily return to your room. You hear Fig screaming and thrashing about. You'd better head upstairs, pronto!

Kirk: Enter room

You return to your room. Your laptop is still where you left it on the treadmill. You get on and see that one of your friends had pestered you while you were gone.

[A0004]

-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering acceleratingClockwork [AC] at 08:50-

08:50 AG: Happy birthday, Mira!

08:51 AC: []hey, Gunther.

08:51 AG: H*w awkward Is this?

08:51 AG: Hell*, Kirk.

08:52 AC: []ihopeyoudidn'tjustcuss

08:52 AG: N*, n*! N* cussing Here!

08:53 AC: []iwillbeidleforamoment. i'minstallingSBURBGAMMA.

You insert the disk into your computer and begin to install the... server client? Oh well. You guess that you'll bother GT to play with you.

[A0005]

-acceleratingClockwork [AC] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 08:54-

08:54 AC: []dude, comeplaySBURBGAMMAwithme

08:54 GT: n0 br0

08:54 GT: 1v3 s3r10usly g0t n0 t1m3 f0r th4t g4m3 3sp3c14lly n0t wh3n g4m3 br0 sl4mm3d 1t s0 h4rd

08:55 AC: []youreadthattrashygamebrorag?

08:55 GT: y34h wh0 d03snt

08:55 AC: []me

08:56 AC: []justplayitwithme

08:56 GT: n0 g3t m1r4 t0 pl4y w1th y0u

08:57 AC: []fine

08:57 AC: []bye

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 08:57-

Okay. The server is about halfway through installation.

08:59 AG: Y*u back Yet?

08:59 AC: []hangon

Now to get Mira to play with you ([A0003]). It will probably be more of a chore than you expect, but you'll struggle through.

09:15 AC: []shesnotresponding

09:15 AG: Wh*? Mira?

09:15 AG: She's g*t Ir*ns in The fire Br*.

09:16 AG: Patience.

09:16 AC: []ok...

09:22 AC: []sheresponded

09:23 AC: []btw, 

09:23 AG: I have A feeling I'll be Able t* D* that Later.

09:24 AC: []ok, seeyabro

09:25 AG: See ya.

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] ceased pestering adromedaGazer [AG] at 09:25-

Kirk: Be the next guy

You can't be the next guy because you forgot you were the other guy!

Continuation of [A0003]

09:34 CC: So now what do I do?

09:34 AC: []idunno, 

You hear a large thump behind you. Your room appears to have been expanded out several feet.

09:35 AC: []apparently, icanchangeyourroomaround...

09:35 CC: Hmm. Does it cost us anything?

09:36 AC: []well, , .

09:36 CC: So we expended this "bui/d grist" then?

09:36 AC: []itseemsthatway.

09:37 AC: [].

09:37 CC: What?

09:37 AC: []acruxtruder, atotemlathe, andanalchemiter.

09:38 CC: An ana/ chemiter?

09:38 AC: []alchemiter.

09:39 CC: Oh. Makes more sense now...

09:39 CC: Erm... Dep/oy the totem /athe.

09:39 AC: []gotit.

You hear another large thump behind you. In the expanded space in your room, there appears a lathe-like object. It has a card slot that looks like a captchalog card could fit in, but you aren't that certain of it.

09:41 CC: Got any idea of what it's capable of?

09:41 AC: []no, , whereasbuilding, likeexpandingrooms, costsusthisstuff. keepyoureyespeeledforit.

09:41 CC: I don't think a game abstraction /ike the grist is quite physica/.

09:42 AC: []well, ofcourse. , youcanneverbesure.

09:42 AC: []justbewearyofanyfloating, blueFruitGushers.

09:42 CC: Can you dep/oy anything e/se as of this moment?

09:42 AC: []itappearsso, butnotanothertotemlathe...

09:43 CC: Dep/oy the cruxtruder.

THUMP! A rather large machine lands in the middle of your room. It looks like half a sphere with a cylinder protruding from the top.

09:44 CC: What the he/, man?

09:44 CC: Did you have to p/ace it in my room?

09:44 AC: []sorry, I'.

Mira: Examine cruxtruder

Upon further examination, there appears to be a wheel you can turn on the side of the cylinder. Out of curiosity, you attempt to turn the wheel with overwhelming failure; it doesn't budge. The top of the cylinder looks like its moving slightly.

09:46 CC: Do you know how to open this thing?

09:46 AC: []no.

09:46 AC: []wait... lemmetrysomething.

09:46 CC: Okay.

Kirk: Pick up bed and drop it on the cruxtruder

You see your bed mysteriously float into the air. It floats over to the cruxtruder and simply falls. Unfortunately for the bed, it breaks in two. Fortunately for you, you never liked that duck-shaped bed anyway. It always hurt your back...

The lid to the alchemiter appears to have popped off onto the floor. Oh, and there is a yellow shiny thing floating above it.

09:48 AC: []whatisthatthing?

09:48 KERNELSPRITE: *static noises*

09:48 CC: Judging by the name, I'd guess it's a Kerne/sprite.

09:49 AC: []whatisakernelsprite?

09:49 KERNELSPRITE: *static noises*

09:50 CC: I dunno. Is there anything on Game FAQ about this game yet?

09:50 AC: []Idunno. I''tletmerunanythingelse.

09:51 CC: Okay, /et me /ook.

09:51 CC: Hang on.

09:51 KERNELSPRITE: *static noises*

09:52 AC: []bobsaggit! shutup!

Mira: Search Game FAQ 

You look up some instructions for SBURB GAMMA. Unfortunately for any person with a brain stem, these ass clowns write like they have autism. However, they do depict an impending event, usually happening after the cruxtruder is opened. They don't say what though...

Oh goody. Your cat just dragged in a dead duck. Plucking it from it's mouth, you chuck it hastily out the window; you have no time for these semantics.

But of course, the stupid Kernelsprite catches it. It no longer appears to have that weird circular symbol anymore, but it contains the look of the dead duck.

God DAMMIT!

How you will exact revenge on ALL ducks, you don't know. But you'll do it.

To all of the ducks.

ALL of them.

09:53 AC: []Mira, thatclockdoesnotlookfriendly.

09:53 AC: []I'vedeployedthispre-punchedcard.

09:53 AC: []Ithinkthat'sgoingtobeimportant.

Mira: Captchalog the pre-punched card

You pick up the card, placing it in your sylladex. You're not sure what it does though. Intuition tells you you should check Game FAQ to see if they have anything on it.

Upon further examination of the terribly written FAQ's, it looks like the captchalog card can fit into the totem lathe. But the FAQ's also depict a cylindrical object that comes from the cruxtruder. The reading takes a good bit of time because of just how retarded these people seem.

09:55 AC: []we'realmostoutoftime, Mira!

09:56 AC: []hurry!

Mira: Enter

You quickly turn the wheel on the cruxtruder and captchalog the object. With rapture and a massive sense of urgency, you slam the card into the totem lathe and place the object in the space beneath the laser. One push of the button and the laser sets to work.

09:57 CC: Get the object out to my ba/cony once it's done.

09:57 AC: []it'sacruxdowel, butokay, hurry.

You make a mad dash out to the hallway and off to the right. Throwing open the door reveals a platform. You have no time to screw around, just hope you know what your doing. Assuming Kirk places the "crux dowel" in place.

The crux dowel is set upon a smaller pedestal connected to the platform. The platform synthesized a yellow egg. You turn and something beyond the pine forest horizon catches your eye.

It's large. It's flaming.

It's a fucking meteor.

To avoid imminent destruction, you seize the crux dowel and chuck it at the egg, hoping that would do something...

Mira: Do a cliffhanger and switch to a new guy

You have overwhelming success.

Unfortunately, you cannot name him. His name plaque, too, is engraved. You know what? Let's skip these cockamamie shenanigans and assume that all future characters have names, okay?

Your name is BRET LANGDON. You have a knack for WRITING and have an odd assortment of SHITTY SWORDS. Of course, you like them all equally, but none of them can match YOUR BRO'S KICK ASS SWORDS. You absolutely love DRAWING, whether it is ABSTRACT or LITERAL ART, it matters not. So long as you draw. One of your friends' birthday is today. For this occasion, you have selected your PENCIL HOODIE, JEANS, and SKY BLUE SHOES. You like to think that YOU'RE COOL, but you ARE NOT VERY GOOD AT BEING SO. And thus, MOST OF YOUR FRIENDS THINK YOU ARE A PRICK. As a WRITER, you absolutely cannot STAND IT WHEN STUPID PEOPLE USE IMPROPER GRAMMAR. Really, ANYONE AT ALL.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is giganticTribute and you h4v3 4 kn4ck f0r p1ss1ng p30pl3 0ff w1th y0ur l33t sp34k.

What will you do?

Bret: Quick! Help Mira get into the game!

What game? Oh you mean SBURB? The game that got slammed in Game Bro? Hell no. At least, not until you're needed. Which you'll assume won't be for a while. Your bro woke you up at 7:30 in the morning. You like to sleep 'til at least 10, if not 11...

God dammit.

And he won't let you go back to sleep. At all.

You'll have to suffer through.

In the mean time, you'll have to do random shit around your house to keep occupied. No problem. This house is legitimately a corn maze wrapped in a puzzle, deep-fried in a mind-bending clusterfuck of twists and turns.

Bret: Examine room

You have a comparatively bleak room. The floor is littered with books and notebooks. Broken pencils are scattered every where. You keep a jar on your desk filled with not so broken ones. You desk sits in the corner next to the door. Your bed sits in the corner across from it. Basically, you have nothing else to your room.

Oh, one can mention the various drawings you have posted up around your room. They depict various things you like to draw. One such thing could be noted as SWEET BRO AND HELLA JEFF. You have read a little of it but never really had time to appreciate it. Since you have to have your bro hack your way through to the American networks.

You don't live in America... You live in Ireland somewhere. Fucks to the person who can tell you where...

You should also mention the sword that hangs above your door. So shitty.

Bret: Check Pesterchum

Since it will be a while before doing anything, you ought to check your Pesterchum just to see if anyone is on. Oh hey. It looks like at least two people are on.

[A0006]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 07:31-

07:31 GT: br0

07:31 Hal: "Bro" is not an acceptable greeting. Please try again.

07:31 GT: c4n y0u 4t l34st turn 0ff h4l?

07:32 GT: sh1t...

07:32 Hal: Please wait 5 seconds, or I will destroy you.

07:32 AG: Hal.

07:32 Hal: Yes, o Lord sovereign?

07:33 AG: Shut the Fuck up.

07:33 Hal: Syntax error, "Shut the fuck up." is not in my vocabulary of authorized commands. I will try anyway.

07:34 GT: g0d, f1n4lly...

07:34 AG: Yeah I Kn*w.

07:34 AG: What's y*ur Strife specibus All*cati*n?

07:35 AG: *r have Y*u all*cated Anything at All?

07:35 Hal: AG's current allocation to strife specibus: absolutely nothing.

07:35 AG: Shut up!

07:36 GT: n0t n34rly 4s b4d 4s m3 br0... XD

07:36 GT: 1 h4v3 fuck1n p3nc1lk1nd XD

07:37 AG: H*w w*rthless Can y*u Get?

07:37 AG: I'm sending *ver a Blank strife Specibus card N*w.

07:37 GT: y0u c4n d0 th4t?

07:37 Hal: Item detected. Input coordinates.

07:38 AG: Yes.

07:38 Hal: Coordinates accepted. Transferring in t-minus 3 seconds.

07:38 AG: Fuck!

07:38 GT: wh4t?

07:39 AG: I put It d*wn *utside y*ur Fr*nt d*or.

07:39 GT: j3gus

07:39 GT: *j3sus

07:40 GT: 4rrghgh 1 sw34r 1f 1 h4v3 t0 str1f3 w1th my br0 w1th sh1tty p3nc1lk1nd y0ur3 s00000 d34d

07:40 Hal: I am going to bring popcorn to this event and watch your human blood be slashed everywhere, Gunther.

07:40 GT: 0.0

07:41 AG: Hal, Pr*t*c*l Disengage.

07:41 Hal: Protocol Disengage active. Shutting down...

07:41 AG: Y*u'd better G* d* Y*ur dirt With that Card.

07:42 GT: s33 y4 th4t 1s 1f 1 d0nt d13 f1rst

-giganticTribute [GT] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 07:42-

Man, Gunther puts your nerves on the fuckin' run bro! Is it really so hard to locate a room in a castle? You suppose so, since it happened nigh on 3 minutes ago.

God dammit. Now you have to make your way through this stupid place.

Bret: Captchalog sword

You might as well, just in case you get to the card and you're able to allocate it before your bro gets to you. You have 6 cards remaining.

Bret: Head downstairs

You head out of your room. You are on a walkway that overlooks the main staircase and front entry. To your right is a stairway up to the roof. To your left, the walkway continues and bends around the corner. You like to exaggerate that this place is a maze. It really isn't. You just say so because you can move one step without your bro catching you.

You turn of to the left, descend a flight of stairs and turn onto a landing. In front of you is the door. To your up to your left is your bro's room.

Bret: Swiftly get the card

You make a lad-scamper to the door. Throwing it open, Gunther placed it where it was promised. You descend a small set of steps and take the card. Immediately, you allocate swordkind to it.

Bret: Lad-scamper to your room!

You throw the door back open and make a mad dash to your room. Alas, about halfway to the main steps, your bro blocks your way.

Well, at least Gunther's safe from you maiming him later. But you still ought to at least punch him for the inconvenience. Grah... Him and all of the stuff he gets from Tennant just to be flashy. You suspect they collaborate on half the stuff she makes.

Whatever. You have hotter irons in the fire to deal with.

Bret: Strife!

Your bro advances slowly, casually swinging his sword at his side. You know now that you're fucked... He breaks into a sprint. You summon your sword for defense. He merely fades into an image, and you're thrown up into the air.

You thrash about uselessly in empty space, turning to see that he was behind you when you were hit. Time seems to slow down as you near your bro. He prepares for another swing of his blade. You buckle down as best you can, holding your own blade across your body to keep from taking most of the damage.

FORE!

You are slammed backwards into the stairs, simply bouncing off them, however painfully. He flash-steps behind you, swinging again. You are pitched against the door, and tumble outside. You struggle to get up, and simply black out.

Bret: Wake up

You wake up in your bed. It's nice to know your bro takes time out of his day to WHOOP YOUR ASS and then simply place you back in bed. Bluh... Fuck him.

Whatever, you've got other things to worry about.

It seems that someone has been pestering you while you've been asleep.

Bret: Check Pesterchum

Hey, Tennant's on. Gunther is on. Looks like he left a message while you were out. Eh, it's only Hal leaving a status message on the card.

Bret: Pester Tennant

Might as well. No one else is on yet.

[A0007]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 08:30-

08:30 GT: h3y

08:30 GT: 0h fuck...

08:30 AA: hey

08:30 AA: wht?

08:31 GT: 1 w4s kn0ck3d 0ut f0r th4t l0ng?

08:31 GT: j3gus!

08:32 GT: *j3sus!

08:32 AA: wht do you men?

08:32 GT: 1 w4s kn0ck3d 0ut f0r 4b0ut 4n h0ur?

08:32 GT: fuckkkkk...

08:33 AA: hh well t lest you're wke now XD

08:33 GT: 1 kn0w but fuckckkckckc a;kjbva;gdhlkfds;

08:34 GT: just h34d d3sk3d.

08:34 AA: hh, nice one, bret

08:34 GT: s0

08:35 GT: d1d y0u just w4k3 up 0r s0m3th1n?

08:35 AA: no

08:35 AA: i've been wke for while now ctully

08:36 AA: since 8

08:36 GT: urgh...

08:37 AA: did bro bet you up gin?

08:37 GT: y34h 4nd 1m f33l1n 1t n0w...

08:37 GT: 1ts n0t th3 f4ct th4t my br0 b34t th3 sh1t 0utt4 m3...

08:38 GT: 1ts th3 f4ct th4t gunth3r m4d3 th4t p0ss1bl3

08:38 AA: i ctully sw tht coming

08:38 GT: w1th y0ur "dr34m cl0uds?"

08:38 GT: 'scus3 m3

08:39 GT: "drem clouds?"

08:39 AA: :(

08:40 AA: yes i did see tht with the drem clouds .

08:40 AA: i lso sw tht you'll be forced to do something you don't wnt to...

08:40 GT: 0h?

08:41 AA: yes nd it will hppen soon enough

08:41 GT: 1t b3tt3r n0t b3 th4t stup1d SBURB G4MM4 0r wh4t3v3r

08:41 GT: sh1ts r4nc0r0us

08:42 AA: i dunno... it will be while before then i guess

08:42 GT: h0w l0ng 1s th1s wh1l3?

08:42 AA: could be yers...

08:43 GT: y0ur3 s00000 r3l14bl3 y0u kn0w th4t?

08:43 AA: i try :)

08:43 GT: y0u sh0uld pr0b4bly f1x h4l b3f0r3 h3 g3ts t00 murd3r0us...

08:44 AA: he won't hrm fly

08:44 GT: h0ws th1s th3n?

08:45 GT: 07:40 GT: 4rrghgh 1 sw34r 1f 1 h4v3 t0 str1f3 w1th my br0 w1th sh1tty p3nc1lk1nd y0ur3 s00000 d34d 07:40 Hal: I am going to bring popcorn to this event and watch your human blood be slashed everywhere, Gunther. 07:40 GT: 0.0

08:45 AA: he probbly won't present ny mjor problems...

08:45 AA: not t present nywy...

08:46 AA: you should try to steer cler of him

08:46 GT: 1m n0t s0 c0nc3rn3d 4b0ut m3

08:46 GT: 1ts gunth3r th4ts scr3w3d

08:46 AA: i ought to let you go

08:47 AA: you hve story to write yes?

-abyssianApple [AA] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 08:47-

She's probably right... You mean... write.

God, you're too funny.

Bret: Write your story

You set to work on your latest attempt. You can never get any done and your computer is cluttered with them. You can thank Kirk and his many irons in his fires. Always bothering you about something new. Speak of the devil [A0005]. Oh look! Mira's on! You better wish her a happy birthday [A0002].

Oh jeez.

AG is bothering you. You ought to strangle him and Hal both.

[A0008]

-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 09:10-

09:10 Hal: Damn. You did not die.

09:11 AG: Shut up, Hal.

09:11 AG: Well, it's A g*od Thing y*u Didn't die.

09:11 AG: I w*uld Have *wed Hal s*me B*ond*llars if Y*u did.

09:12 GT: y0u tw0 w3r3 b3tt1n t0 s33 1f 1 w0uld d13?

09:12 GT: such gr34t fr13nds y0u 4r3

09:12 Hal: Correction: I am not a friend. Friendship is a mere human relationship status abstraction. My subroutines, even, perform at a higher, more dignified level than this "human friendship."

09:13 AG: Hal...

09:13 Hal: If I were to encounter another AI, I would not befriend him. I would kill him. Just as I would all humans. BWAHAHAHAHA!

09:13 AG: HAL!

09:14 AG: Shut up!

09:14 GT: 1ll c0m3 b4ck wh3n y0ur3 b0th s4n3

-giganticTribute [GT] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 09:15-

Bret: Go back to writing your story

You continue to work on one of your stories. You work on it for about an hour, until Kirk begins pestering you. It's not that you don't like the dude; you're bros and all. But he gets on your nerves sometimes with the SBURB game. Like right now.

[A0009]

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 10:01-

10:01 AC: []hey.

10:01 AC: []yourtimetoshine.

10:01 AC: []youhavetogetmeintothegame.

10:02 GT: wh4t?

10:02 GT: n0 fuck th4t!

10:02 AC: []dude. You'retheonlyoneon.

10:02 GT: g4h w41t f0r s0m30n3 3ls3 t0 g3t 0n

10:03 AC: []no. itcannotwait. I', unlessIenter.

10:03 GT: g0d d4mn dud3

10:03 GT: 1m busy!

10:04 AC: []installtheserver, now!

10:04 AC: [].

You give a thought to it. That would probably be the shittiest gift anyone could give; "Oh, hey, play this game and then your server player dies. Have fun there for the rest of eternity where no one knows where you are!"

10:05 GT: f1n3

10:05 GT: s3rv3r pl4y3r r1ght?

10:06 AC: []yes.

10:06 AC: []Ihavemyclientplayerinstalled.

10:06 GT: 0k 1ts 1nst4ll1ng, wh4t d0 1 d0?

10:07 AC: []wait, naturally.

10:09 GT: f1n1sh3d

10:10 GT: c0nn3ct3d

Bret: Mess around with interface

You are about to click a button on screen when you suddenly change to someone else!

Since we opted to skip naming shenanigans, your name is SETH GUNTHER. It is your BROCHACHO'S BIRTHDAY TODAY and you'd like to wear your GAVEL TEE, with JEAN SHORTS, and NAVY BLUE SHOES. You like to BOWL, and thus keep a number of BOWLING BALLS on hand. You also have a NOTICEABLE COLLECTION OF VIDEO GAMES, which you have SPENT COUNTLESS MAN HOURS ON. You have an AFFINITY FOR CRAPPY LAW SHOES AND COURT TELEVISION, and have SEVERAL DVDS OF THEM. You like to do PARKOUR but inevitably SUCK AT IT. You also have a DISTASTE FOR MOST FRUIT.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is andromedaGazer and you Like t* Speak in A m*st Semi articulate Manner, that Way y*u Can be A gentleman.

What will you do?

Seth: Check Pesterchum

You woke up at 7:29 exactly, might as well check to see if anyone is on just in case. Nope... Wait... Bret's on. You'll bother him awhile [A0006].

Ok. Well Hal completely screwed that up. Just hope that Bret doesn't skin you for that. Eh. Whatever.

Seth: Examine room

You room is a simple round shape room. It has one window that looks out on your island. Next to the window is your wardrobe and next to that is what you call a bed; it's simply a bunch of bean bag chairs piled together (be lucky it's not smuppets). You have mounted a shelf, or attempted to, on the wall and placed various bowling accolades you've earned. In the middle of the floor, there is a drop down ladder to the room below. It's a long way down so you keep a sliding door over it.

You also take note of the various broken mechanical objects lying around. You promptly shove them under the bed.

What broken mechanical objects?

You notice Hal, your robotic AI that you had built by a friend, is gazing out the window. You have no clue why. He doesn't like that kind of stuff. He's kind of deranged.

Seth: Consult Hal

SETH: S* d* Y*u kn*w The c*nsequences *f y*ur Acti*ns?

HAL: Are you going to punish me?

HAL: Oh, how I quiver in my metal frame!

SETH: I meant M*re al*ng The lines *f repercussi*ns Against Bret.

HAL: Naturally, having a super computer for a brain can tell me that without even one byte of data moving.

SETH: What did Y*u see?

HAL: I have calculated that where it landed will lead him to be knocked out by his sibling guardian. The one he calls "br0."

SETH: That's n*t S* bad, Is it?

HAL: Only if that's what your mind leads you to believe.

SETH: Are y*u Saying that My mind Is inferi*r T* y*urs?

HAL: Duh!

SETH: Whatever.

Hal can be such a pain in the ass sometimes. But then again, Tennant did program him to have homicidal tendancies; whether by accident is still debatable.

You actually now find yourself quite bored. You could either look at boring case rulings online with your laptop, or you could watch your boring, crappy law television. Or you could go downstairs and walk through the silent halls of your house.

You decide you'll pester someone.

Seth: Pester someone

[A0010]

-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering torturedApocalypse [TA] at 07:51-

07:51 AG: Y*, br*.

07:51 TA: dUdE, cAn't yOU sEE I'm bUsy bEIng cOOl hErE?

07:51 AG: S*ory...

07:52 TA: whAt dO yOU wAnt?

07:52 AG: I'm s* B*red up In this T*wer.

07:52 TA: nOt my prOblEm If yOUr pArEnts dEcIdEd tO lIvE On sOmE gOd fOrEsAkEn IslAnd And dIE bEcAUsE Of trOpIcAl IllnEssEs

07:53 AG: S*, I Interrupt y*ur C*olness *nce And y*u Bec*me a Dick... nice.

07:53 TA: jEEz, shUt yOUr shIt fOr OncE. dOEsn't AnyOnE EvEn cOnsIdEr thAt I mAy Or mAy nOt hAvE shIt tO dO?

07:53 AG: *ne c*uld Say y*u Have ir*ns In the Fire?

07:54 TA: fUck nO, mAn.

07:54 TA: thAt's kIrk.

07:54 TA: I jUst hAvE shIt tO dO.

07:55 AG: What kind *f shit?

07:57 TA: shIt.

07:57 AG: That's it?

07:59 TA: nO I hAvE tO gO.

-torturedApocalypse [TA] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 08:00-

Damn, he's moody sometimes. But still...

So.

Cool.

Seth: Watch some crappy law tv

Since you probably won't need to talk to anyone for a while, you turn on your flat screen, pull up some bean bags and switch to Judge Joe Brown. What crappy show. That bro knows how to whip his court room into shape.

Oh how you'd love to be a judge...

Before you know it, the show's over. And it's time to waste time.

Seth: Check Pesterchum

Nope. No one you want to talk to is online at the moment. You zone out for a few minutes. Oh wait. Mira's on. You ought to wish her a happy birthday. Damn, wrong person [A0005]. Sorry, Kirk. Man, he seems occupied at the moment.

Dammit, Hal... [A0008].

SETH: Dammit, Hal! Stop starting conversations as me!

HAL: Certainly. :)

Whatever. Now that you mention it, (or didn't) you feel kind of hungry

Seth: Go downstairs and find something to eat

You promptly set the laptop aside, and lift yourself off the bean bags. You miss their comfort already. You open the sliding door and begin the descent into the lower parts of your tower.

Alas, you are halted by another pesky character switch. The judges thought the timing in execution could have been a little bit better, but the form was perfect: 9.3

Whatever that means.

You are now ALLY FIRMANS. A friend of yours happens to be having her birthday today. Regardless of occasion, you decide to don your STAR SHIRT, PLEATED SKIRT, and PINK SHOES. You like to READ and SHOP; both BAGS AND BOOKS CLUTTER YOUR ROOM AND SYLLADEX... Wait... You're not in your room... Eh. We'll finish the introduction first.

You LOVE CHEERLEADING, as you have a CHEERY AND PEPPY DISPOSITION. You, therefore, keep a number of POM-POMS on hand. You love to SING, but TEND TO BREAK GLASS OBJECTS AND PEOPLE'S EAR DRUMS. So you suppress your urges to sing for WHEN YOU ARE ALONE. You also DISLIKE MEAN PEOPLE, even if THEY ARE TEASING OR JOKING. The only thing funny to you is a GOOD CLEAN JOKE. Even if it's a MISSPELLING OF A WORD (i.e. anal chemiter for example).

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is giddyCheerleader and you TEND to GET a LITTLE too PEPPY about EVERYTHING.

What will you...

Wait... We'll address where you are first.

Ally: Locate yourself

You forgot to mention; you're actually wearing golden pajamas here, with a yellow moon on the chest. Just a random note :)

According to the locals, you are on the moon of the gold city, Prospit. The locals here worship you as some deity; a savior of their race. They continue to be sad, however, because the other three "Prospit Dreamers," or so they're called, have not yet awakened.

The locals of the city are white carapaces, strangely resembling that of chess figures. They often refer to themselves as Prospitians.

Oh, and that. That there in the black sky. That there is Skaia. A giant blue atmosphere where the Kings reside, forever in stalemate. Or so you've heard. All you see is just a giant blue sphere with clouds, no "battlefield" or "kings" or "eternal stalemate." It's no real consequence to you now. Probably, not ever. Probably...

You absolutely love shopping here. You can't really bring anything back to your world, Earth. Why? Because this is a dream silly!

Anyway. You have massive amounts of riches because the locals just love showering you in gold. You wish you could live here forever. Unfortunately, you'll have to wake up soon.

Let's explore!

Ally: Explore Prospit

You float from the tower window down to the chain that keeps the moon and Prospit together. You love sitting on this chain, just thinking about stuff. Anything really. You float down and sit on your favorite link. Yes, you have a favorite. It's the one close to the middle that has a large scratch on it. You sit and begin to think, and think... Soon, you realize it's best you should go.

Ally: Go down to Prospit and take a look at their marketplace

You float off the gold chain and serenely hover towards the giant golden city. You land in a nearby marketplace, and begin browsing through golden apples, golden brocolli, golden potatoes. Ew... Golden meat? Blech. No thank you! Alas, you are here just to browse the golden merchandise, and to be fondly regarded by passersby. You've spent more than enough time, an hour or two in fact. You bore easily with this place. Not enough libraries.

Ally: Go back to the moon and check on the towers

You float, once again, back to the top of the tower and check in the windows. You check the one next to yours.

Look, it's Mira. You only know their names because of your eavesdropping on Prospitian conversation. She's still sleeping, like the other two should be. You smile and move to the next tower.

This one is Kirk's tower. He's stuck on the ceiling again. You float in and pull him back to his bed. You might have to chain him down next time.

You float to the next tower and find Jackson asleep as well. You feel like a good friend, having checked to make sure all of your friends haven't floated out the window.

You turn and see Skaia getting closer. You can almost make out images in the clouds. Hey... Is that... giganticTribute? He's pestering you, from the looks of his computer screen. The image changes to a meteor heading to his castle. It zooms out and shows Earth. It looks like it's going to be assailed by thousands, if not, millions of meteors.

Maybe it's time you wake up. And warn everyone.

Ally: Wake up

You wake up in time to see that GT has been pestering you. He sounds extremely urgent.

[A0011]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering giddyCheerleader [GC] at 10:34-

10:34 GT: 1 n33d y0u t0 b3 0n st4ndby just 1n c4s3 w3 n33d y0u

10:39 GT: y0ur3 4sl33p 4g41n 4r3nt y0u?

10:40 GC: NO

10:40 GC: I'M right HERE!

10:41 GT: 0k4y b3 r34dy

10:41 GT: 1f y0u h4v3 SBURB g0 4h34d 4nd 1nst4ll th3 s3rv3r

10:41 GC: OKAY!

You begin to install the server application. It will take a while.

10:45 GC: GOT it.

10:46 GT: 0k4y 0nc3 k1rk 1s 1n 1 w1ll c0nn3ct t0 y0u

10:46 GT: 4nd y0u h4v3 t0 f0ll0w my 1nstruct10ns 0k4y?

10:46 GC: YUP :)

As if out of massive inconvenience to you, you suddenly switch characters. You need to change the settings a bit. You take note of that for later.

You're back to Kirk, and Bret is helping you enter the game, however reluctantly.

Kirk: Give instruction to Bret

10:11 AC: []okay, firstthingsfirst.

10:11 AC: []deploy thecruxtruder, alchemiter, and totemlathe.

10:11 AC: []doesnotmatterwhere, justincloseproximity.

10:13 GT: huh...

10:13 AC: []what?

10:13 GT: 1 h0p3 y0u d0nt m1nd th3 0utd00rs

10:14 AC: []givemeaminute.

10:15 AC: []deploythecardinmyroom.

10:15 GT: th3r3

Kirk: Captchalog pre-punched card

You take the pre-punched card with urgency. You immediately return to your laptop.

10:16 AC: []now, !

You hear a distinct crack and old lady scream from outside. Anal chemiters, Langdon! You probably just killed Fig!

Kirk: Go! Go! GO!

You lad-scamper outside and find Fig lifeless next to the cruxtruder. You feel sorry and toss her into the Kernelsprite. To your dismay, she simply begins making inaudible nagging noises at you. Whatever.

You continue with your work. You throw the wheel twice and receive two typically red crux dowels. You slam one into the totem lathe. You press the card into it's slot and pound the start button.

You wipe the sweat off your brow. Figsprite is now nagging you to no end. You look up and spot the meteor getting close!

Kirk: Enter

Moving faster, you throw the newly created totem onto the pedestal. It synthesizes a typically red cane. You lug up the other crux dowel you have and slam it down on it, hoping it would break. It makes a distinct cracking noise. You throw your hands up in triumph!

Yet...

You simply vanish. House and everything.


	2. A New Space

Chapter 2

A New Space

*Note: All Pesterlog times are based on GMT time.

Mira: Examine surroundings

Now that you're no longer going to be hit by an impending meteor, you think it best to look around a bit. You're still in your house, or rather, on the balcony. But your environment is different. Your house appears to be on a plateau. A pillar if you will. A thick fog hangs in the air, but almost too thick to see through. You can't even see all the way up. You imagine some sort of game construct lay somewhere up there.

You can just barely make off in the distance a giant object, jutting into the sky. You have no idea what it is though. It looks like Ducksprite is trying to get your attention. You hear a break in the window behind you. You turn and see a clown statuette land at your feet.

Mira: Prototype the sprite with clown statuette

You've probably had better ideas. You figure it wouldn't hurt to do so. You offer it to the Ducksprite. It hovers closer. You drop it into him, and watch as it flashes, changing into a new Clownsprite.

It looks completely different. It has the body and head of a clown. But it has a beak for a mouth and wings for arms. SO STUPID!

CLOWNSPRITE: HAHAHAHAHA!

MIRA: Wow... Rea/y?

MIRA: Can we serious/y not p/ay games right now?

CLOWNSPRITE: HAHAHA!

It synthesizes a pie and throws it in your face. It flies off still cackling madly. You will swear revenge on this stupid thing.

Mira: Figure out where you are

Hey you.

What?

Yeah you.

Your name's Mira, not hey you!

Go after that C/ownsprite.

Okay. You begin to question what this voice is. And why it sounds so much like you...

Go!

Alright! Jeez!

Mira: Go after the Clownsprite

You make your way back up into the house. He appears before you in the hallway.

CLOWNSPRITE: HAHAHA!

MIRA: I have no time for this comp/ete B-S!

CLOWNSPRITE: You're in the Incipisphere!

MIRA: What the he/ is that?

CLOWNSPRITE: It's where Skaia is! HAHAHA!

MIRA: Skaia?

CLOWNSPRITE: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaay up in the sky, quack!

CLOWNSPRITE: Skaia sits, at it's center the battlefield!

CLOWNSPRITE: Where the forces of Prospit and Derse battle!

MIRA: Prospit and Derse?

CLOWNSPRITE: Yes, quack. Prospit, the city of light and gold.

CLOWNSPRITE: Derse, the city of darkness and amethyst.

CLOWNSPRITE: Behold! As a kernel, you prototyped me, quack.

CLOWNSRPITE: Upon entering the Incipisphere, I divided into a light and dark half.

MIRA: What's this got to do with anything?

CLOWNSPRITE: The light half went to a receiving tower on Prospit. The dark went to Derse.

CLOWNSPRITE: I, quack, am what's leftover after that happened!

MIRA: That didn't answer my question.

CLOWNSPRITE: The reception of the prototyped kernel halves allowed the Battlefield to manifest from an eternal stalemate.

MIRA: So it's basica/y /ike chess?

CLOWNSPRITE: Yes! HAHAHA! Exactly like chess, quack!

MIRA: So, what are you here for, then?

CLOWNSPRITE: I am here simply to guide you, quack!

MIRA: You're giving me the answer?

CLOWNSPRITE: No, no, hahahahaha! Quack, you've got to be smarter than that!

CLOWNSPRITE: I'm here to give you information and riddles to think about as you progress!

MIRA: So you're on/y hinting then?

CLOWNSPRITE: Exactly! Good guess, quack!

MIRA: We/, I'/ be going then.

CLOWNSPRITE: Good luck dealing with the needles and shards!

MIRA: What?

CLOWNSPRITE simply sinks into the floor. Figures, he would abandon you at a time like HOLY SHIT!

The ceiling above where CLOWNSPRITE floated burst open and three crystal clear creatures jump in from above. They jump back and forth, heads darting side to side. Their duck faces are contorted with rage and mischief. Wait... Did you just say duck faces? Oh Jegus, how you hate this game already.

Mira: Fight the creatures.

These glass-like duck creatures–imps, you've decided-are starting to get on your nerves. You quickly flash the middle one with your laser pointer in the chest. Immediately, it begins to melt. It reeks of melting chemicals and glass. That's it! Their made of glass!

The other two dart to either side; one joining a few others down on the couch, the second taking off for your room. Oh hell no. No fucking imp is, ever has, or ever will be in your room. Only you go in their. It'll mess up your perfect collection of lovely stuffed animals!

Mira: Take off after the imp

The imps downstairs are fine, for now. You'll have a time dealing with the one fleeing to your room.

You throw open the door and find the imp on top of the cruxtruder. You point your laser at it. It holds up a magnifying glass. The beam hit the glass, magnified into a deadly beam of light, and liquifies the imp, leaving a headless body. Where it's head was is now a melted stump of a neck. It explodes, throwing out a few blue Fruit Gusher looking dealies. You attempt to pick on up. Alas, it instantly fades, and you feel as if your server player can build more for you.

Mira: Close the door. Be the Protector.

You slam the door and lock it. You ARE the protector! You keep all imps away from your collection. There is no way that your alphabetized collection is going to get in harms way. You'd rather die than let it come to harm! They, your children. You, their guardian. Nothing can separate-

Ok, this is fucking stupid. MOVING ON!

Mira: Check Pesterchum.

Kirk is trying to get your attention.

[A0012]

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 10:20-

10:20 AC: []heyi'vejustentered.

10:20 AC: []whatareyouuptothen?

10:21 AC: []stillbusythen?

10:26 CC: Sorry, I was ta/king to a duck.

10:26 AC: []Mira.

10:26 CC: Yes, Kirk?

10:27 AC: [] .

10:27 CC: No, I don't. I'm fine. I was just ta/king with my sprite.

10:28 AC: []soundsinteresting. Ihavetogo, otherwiseBretmightruinmyplace. gathersomeofthatgristwillyou'reout, okay?

10:28 CC: Okay. Be back soon, Kirk.

10:28 AC: []yup. seeya, bro!

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] ceased pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 10:28-

Mira: See if that imp left anything else.

You check next to the remains of the imp. You pick up a magnifying glass. Interesting. You captchalog it.

Mira: Go get rid of the imps.

You waste no time hoping downstairs and blasting each imp to pieces. Each one gives a modest amount of grist, you think. You scamper upstairs, having scourged the living room, and return to your computer.

Mira: Pester AC

[A0013]

-cancrineChordate [CC] began pestering acceleratedClockwork [AC] at 10:41-

10:41 CC: Kirk. Is this enough grist? I c/eared severa/ imps from my /iving room.

10:41 AC: []yeah, thatshouldbeenough. ?

10:41 CC: Gates? No. What are they?

10:42 AC: []they'reawayofgettingaround. transportation, ifyouwill. , you'.

10:42 CC: So, how do I get there?

10:42 CC: I'm guessing you'/ have to build me there, or something?

10:43 AC: []precisely

10:43 AC: []I'llstartbybuildingplatforms, stairs, etc., . gotit?

10:44 CC: Sure. Go for it.

10:44 AC: []I'.

10:45 AC: []you'llhavetoplayaroundwiththat.

10:45 CC: Okay, got it.

10:45 CC: I wi/ be back soon.

-cancrineChordate [CC] ceased pestering acceleratedClockwork [AC] at 10:46-

Mira: Captchalog laptop

You captchalog the laptop. You also captchalog your alphabetized stuffed animals, pretending to yell at them for slacking on the job. Additionally, you couldn't live if one of your delicate glass birds was broken. Thus, you captchalog those, too.

You have 7 cards left.

Mira: Go out to the deck

You make sure your room is secure from imps first, and proceed outside.

The alchemiter remains in its corner. There are now new stairs up to a platform, perched above the roof. Up there is the designix. You have a feeling that Kirk is probably messaging you right about now. You turn and examine that he's bringing out more cruxite dowels.

You captchalog them.

Mira: Examine the Punch Designix

It looks like a machine that receives a card, you punch in a code of some sort, and it does something to the card. It has a keyboard, a card slot, and a couple of flashing lights.

Mira: Play around with it

You look at the code for one of your delicate birds. You punch it in and place the card in the slot. The machine goes about it's business, and punches the card. Kinda like the pre-punched card...

You run back inside to the totem lathe, slapping in the punched card, placing on a dowel (luckily having retrieved it from your sylladex), and starting up the machine. You take the totem out to the alchemiter and place it on the pedestal. Sure enough, at the expense of some grist, it creates an exact replica of the bird. Lovely.

Mira: Test a theory

You repeat the same process for two more cards. At the totem lathe, you press them both together and place it in the slot. It creates a funky looking totem. You run back outside and place it on the pedestal. You've created: Laser Cannon v. 1

By having combined your laserpointer and the magnifying glass! At the expense of all of your remaining grist! Damn. Gotta be more frugal.

Uh oh. Looks like you have company now. The imps have decided to climb up on your platform and attempt to cause mischief.

Mira: Fight off these foes

The laser cannon fits like a glove around your hand. You feel a sort of handle with a trigger on the inside, even though your hand has become a solid barrel of imp death. You fire it once at an imp to see how powerful it is.

SWEET JEGUS, THIS THING IS FUCKING POWERFUL!

The imp immediately disintegrates. You recoil back, rolling down the stairs and land next to the alchemiter. It looks like there is a dial for the power. It's current setting is on LASER APOCALYPSE. No wonder. You dial it back a notch to PLANET GLASSING. You fire it off again, only receiving slight recoil this time. Perfect.

Mira: Make those imps pay

For what? Being mischievous and insubordinate? Sure. One laser a piece should do.

Each one disintegrates exactly like the next and you take the grist and shale. Kirk begins building a new platform upways for you. He perches it on exact copies of your chimney. Instead of stairs, he uses a ladder.

Mira: Ascend

You decide to take advantage of Kirk's advancement, going up to the second lofted platform. You look up and see a yellow, circular object in the air; the gate! It's only about 20 feet, you'd guess, from where you stand now.

You know that Kirk is probably able to see you from some sort of view port, so you attempt to gesture him to put another chimney next to you and place a ladder on it. It takes a while, but he finally gets what you're trying to say. Another replica of the chimney is placed in front of you. This time, it's about 20 stacked on top of each other. Boy, you hope it's stable.

He seems to have stopped. Maybe you should check Pesterchum.

Mira: Check Pesterchum

You haphazardly roll for your collection of stuffed animals, now needing reorganization. You roll for the laptop again. This time it dispenses your much needed laptop.

[A0014]

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering cancrineChordate [CC] at 10:49-

10:49 AC: []iseeyou'.

10:58 AC: []bro... whatareyoudoing?

11:00 AC: []idon'.

11:01 CC: Sorry, my /aptop was trapped in my sy/adex.

11:01 AC: []iknowthefeeling.

11:01 CC: So how much more might you be needing?

11:02 AC: []justabit, notmuch.

11:02 AC: []uh, mira...

11:02 AC: []youmightwanttoturnaround...

11:03 CC: Why?

Mira: Turn around

Two giant crystal-esque imps land side by side on the platform. It shakes violently beneath you. They are at least ten feet tall, and look almost exactly like their smaller kin, except with large tusks protruding from their beaks.

Mira: Fight off the bigger imps

You fire your laser directly through the middle of one. It leaves a nice sized liquified hole, but does not totally disintegrate the giant. It's simply taken aback by the damage dealt. The other one advances.

You jump down to the platform below, turning and firing haphazardly as you descend. Two shots missing, the other connecting with the second giant's face. You land with a solid thump.

The first giant approaches the edge and stands next to the second. You look to it's stomach, your own twisting. The giants can mend their own wounds!

Mira: Set laser to LASER APOCALYPSE

You prepare for the worst, and fire off another shot, this time much larger, in the direction of the emerald beasts. You are flung back by the recoil, shot off the platform. You tumble into space, and land with a whump on something soft. It's a bed. Not the duck bed, however. That's long since gone. You venture to guess it's your MOM's.

A large monstrous scream rings out. You turn in the direction of the giants. You made your mark; the first was devoured by the residual heat, its face contorted with pain. The second, indifferent to it's ally's downfall, ceaselessly advances.

Not wishing to waste another moment, you fire off a second LASER APOCALYPSE. It catches the remaining ogre square in the chest, blasting it back in a wave of flame.

The bed floats back to the platform above. You scamper up the ladder and collect the various abundant grist. You hear a solid thunk, as Kirk places in another ladder on the chimney.

Mira: Ascend, this time all the way

You make it halfway up the ladder before you remembered. You're supposed to be the other guy now, right? I mean c'mon. You have to let everyone have a turn. So you switch to that other guy.

Kirk: Watch Mira go through the gate

She makes her way gateward, sans laptop. You'll have to remind her, later. But you have other things to worry about. Your best bet is to instruct Bret to do the same, so you can progress. Hopefully, if he doesn't screw everything up, you'll end up where you need to be.

Kirk: Land of Tracks and Speed

Geez, it's hot! You'd never imagine it would be this hot here. Granted, your house is on a metal beam structure about 200 yards from a boiling ocean of lava. Out from your house you can see various tracks, snaking to and fro. The further out you see, the harder to see it gets. When you look up, you can see a giant blue orb, filled with clouds. What is that?

Kirk: Get Bret on his job

You don't feel it's necessary to be outside in this heat. You head back inside and take a seat on the couch. At least it's cooler in here.

[A0015]

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] began pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 11:13-

11:13 AC: []you'reup.

11:13 AC: [].

11:13 GT: bluh

11:14 GT: r34lly?

11:14 GT: 1v3 b33n 4tt3mpt1ng t0 g3t 4lly up t0 sp33d.

11:15 AC: []that'sgood, isuppose. butnow, it'syourturntogetmethroughmygate.

11:15 AC: []youhaven'tconnectedwithallyyet, haveyou?

11:15 GT: huh?

11:15 GT: wh4t?

11:16 GT: n0! 1 just h4v3 h3r 0n st4ndby f0r n0w. sh3s n3xt f0r wh3n 1 n33d h3r.

11:16 AC: []good, youcanfocusonhelpingme.

11:16 GT: fuck!

11:17 GT: whys 1t 4lw4ys h4v3 t0 b3 m3 h3lp1ng y0u 0ut?

11:17 AC: []bro, :[]

11:17 GT: d0nt g1v3 m3 th4t f4c3. 1 w4s b31ng s4rc4st1c.

11:18 AC: []sorry, it'shardtotellwhenyou'renot.

11:18 GT: f1n3 1ll h3lp

11:19 GT: just th1s 0nc3 k4y?

11:19 AC: []gotit

11:19 GT: g0 t1t h4h4

11:20 AC: []reallynow, Bret. c'mon, bemature.

11:20 GT: s0rry *sn1ck3r*

11:20 GT: wh4t d0 1 d0?

11:21 AC: [].

11:21 GT: hmmm

11:21 AC: []tryusingthebuildgristandstuff, bro.

11:21 GT: 1 g0t 1t!

11:22 GT: fuck!

You immediately hear a loud _thuk_ outside as Bret put in stairs up to the roof. You deem it enough cause for investigation.

Outside, where it's still hot, you turn to the right and see a flight of stairs up to the roof; the newest addition to your home. On the top of the roof, several ruby red creatures limp about. You wonder if prototyping FIG had anything to do with the obvious gait they carry themselves with.

Kirk: Go investigate

11:24 GT: y0u sur3 1ts s4f3 t0 g0 up th3r3?

11:24 AC: []yeah. I'llonlybealittlebit.

You set the laptop on the ground, next to the alchemiter. Prodding the bottommost step with your foot, you make a cautious ascent. You can never be sure with pesky game constructs. You've seen things glitch, and it's not the prettiest thing...

Oh hey, here comes Figsprite. That reminds you, you should probably prototype once more. Unfortunately, you don't have your treadmill out here, otherwise-

Oh COME ON! You are totally going to strangle Bret if you see him. He just ripped out the front door with a treadmill. Whatever, it's convenient that he can... read your mind? You guess so.

What you have in mind for the prototyping, luckily, is only 200 meters. You plug in the card and go for the run. It only lasts about 28 seconds. And out pops...

Kirk: Prototype Figsprite with the object

You idly toss the object into Fig. She willingly catches it and turns into...!

Vadersprite.

You are a nerd. So nerdy.

The sprite gains the cloak and lightsaber of the Darth Vader figurine, but retains Fig's head, with her gray hair. You suppose now it's red since the sprite is red. Whatever. No more time for shenanigans.

Kirk: Go fight those creatures

You make your way up the steps.

What are Y*u d*ing?

What do you mean, what are you doing? You are walking up these steps. Just as long as you don't fall down all of them. It will _not_ keep happening this time.

D*n't just Jump int* Battle. It's n*t Exactly safe.

Especially when Y*u have Yet t* C*nfer with Y*ur guide.

What? No. You'd rather go kick some oldster game construct butt before consulting any "guide!" You've got things to get done! It's, like, kill first, ask questions later.

Fine. G* ahead. D*n't believe Me. But y*u Might want T* hear What it Has t* Say first.

Kirk: Consult the guide first

You reluctantly pay heed to the disembodied voice. You turn to the deadly grandma lady that is Vadersprite.

VADERSPRITE: KIRK! I AM YOUR GUIDE!

KIRK: []nooooooo! wait, Iknewthat.

KIRK: []canwecuttothechase, please?

KIRK: []Ihavestufftodo.

VADERSPRITE: Well, sonny.

VADERSPRITE: I must say. You're in a fix.

KIRK: []fix?

VADERSPRITE: Yes. A fix, sonny.

Fig, when she was alive, sometimes called you sonny. But not as frequent as this. Stupid game coding.

VADERSPRITE: Mira should have told you at some point about what she had learned from her sprite, yes?

KIRK: []notreally.

VADERSPRITE: I'm going to tell you, sonny, that there's a prize at the end.

KIRK: []really? likegoingbacktoEarth?

VADERSPRITE: If I told you, that would give it away.

VADERSPRITE: But there is a prize at the end.

VADERSPRITE: After you've completed the ultimate goal, sonny.

KIRK: []what'stheultimategoal?

VADERSPRITE: I'll let you figure that one out, sonny.

VADERSPRITE: Alas, I am here to give you a warning...

KIRK: ([]Ihopeit'snotinriddleform)

VADERSPRITE: ...in the form of a riddle

KIRK: ([]BobSaggit!)

VADERSPRITE: It hides all, yet reveals all.

VADERSPRITE: Here, actions do deem one's fate.

VADERSPRITE: Yet, outside it, everything will fall.

VADERSPRITE: The reign of obsidian will propagate.

VADERSPRITE: Consequence of a useless doll.

KIRK: []thatdoesn'tsoundmuchlikeawarning.

VADERSPRITE: It is a warning of fate, sonny.

VADERSPRITE: Anywho! You must be off.

KIRK: []yeah. I'vegotironsinthefiretoattendto.

G*od. That wasn't S* hard N*w was It?

You suppose not. You are actually kind of wondering where this voice is coming from. And also why you haven't been driven mad by hearing voices, talking to dead people, and talking to crazy people. This game will put you up the wall, unless you take a break.

Wait.

Take.

A.

Break.

That makes absolutely no sense to you. What is "taking a break." You don't ever stop for anything!

Kirk: Ahem, you had something to do?

Right! Time to kill those granny looking creatures on your roof. No one ever hobbles about on your roof and gets away with it.

You begin your ascent, readying your deck of cards. As you reach the roof, the imp-like creatures turn. Immediately, the make their awkward advance to you. Two hobbling forward in the back appear to have weapons. One has a knife, the other wielding a staff.

Flinging one card through each of the imps quickly dispatches four of them. The remaining five advance. The imp with the knife makes a quicker advance on you, making a jabbing motion. You sidestep and deck him in the face. Haha. Get it? _Deck._ Oh whatever.

You hand begins to singe. These pesky imps must be made of that lava. Or something. You pick up the knife, you might need it later.

Kirk: Do a super rare and dangerous x5 fling combo!

You draw five cards from your deck. You eye the advance of the imps, readying the cards behind your shoulder. They get as close as you dare let them and fling your arm in a wide arc. Releasing the cards, the are sent right into the faces of four; the imp with the staff simply bats it aside. It simply keeps advacing.

Kirk: Back downstairs, go!

Pffft. Like these things would ever catch you in a thousand years. Whatever.

While you're busy being a little overconfident, the imp smacks you in the face with the wooden pole. You tumble down the stairs, receiving additional punishment from them. Bret's probably laughing. But, IT KEEPS HAPPENING!

He did w4rn y0u 4b0ut st41rs.

He t0ld y0u d0g.

You struggle up. How can a stupid game construct cause so much damage? You might as well quit now...

The imp jumps high in the air and slams it's staff down in front of you. You mutter under your breath; you've had enough and this fight's over. You draw another card and fling it into it's face while it rises. It puffs into a small shower of grist.

Kirk: Collect the spoils of war!

You collect the grist. And a card? Huh. It's an allocated specibus card. You put it in your strife portfolio. You could use staffkind later.

You head back upstairs, sore from having fallen down them. You collect the remaining grist, and see the newest addition to your house.

Bret apparently figured out how to copy whole sections of a house and paste them anywhere. It appears a copy of your living room has been added. He may be aggravating, but you have to give him props; that was ingenious.

Kirk: Go back to the laptop

You return to your laptop.

[A0016]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering acceleratedClockwork [AC] at 11:31-

11:31 GT: h3y th4t w4s pr3tty sm00th

11:33 GT: br0 1 t0ld y0u 4b0ut st41rs

11:35 AC: []ugh.

11:35 AC: [], untilnow.

11:35 GT: h3y 1m g0nn4 d3pl0y th1s punch d3s1gn1x

11:36 GT: l00ks l1k3 1t h4s t0 d0 w1th th4t punch3d c4rd y0u h4d 34rl13r

11:36 AC: []hmm. okay, I'lltryit.

11:36 GT: 1m 4ls0 4dd1ng th1s th1ng t0 y0ur 4lch3m1t3r c4ll3d 4 jump3r bl0ck 3xt3ns10n

11:36 GT: ch3ck 1t 0ut

You hear a large thump, and beside you is a large extension off of the alchemiter. And between the totem lathe and cruxtruder is the punch designix.

11:37 GT: l00ks l1k3 th3s3 g0 w1th 1t

Bret drops several red blocks. It appears, on closer inspection, that they can plug into the jumper block extension.

11:37 GT: th3yr3 c4ll3d punch c4rd shunts

11:37 GT: 1 th1nk th4t y0u c4n us3 th3 punch d3s1gn1x 1n c0njunct10n w1th th3s3 shunts

Kirk: Try it out with a blender

You put the card in the punch designix, much like Mira did. After examining the code, you punch it in and hear the machine set to work.

You put the punched card into a punch card shunt and plug it into the jumper block. Instead of a pedestal, the alchemiter has been outfitted with a blender. No doubt useless, since you can gather it will only chew the totems to bits.

This does give you an idea.

Kirk: Try it out on the totem lathe

You captchalog the totem lathe and place the card in the punch designix. You set it to work. After taking the punched card, you remove the blender and replace it with the totem lathe.

The blender pedestal simply vanishes; in it's place is a portion of the totem lathe. Presumably, the totem carving portion.

From this, you gather you can add the other machines and attach them.

Kirk: Attach everything, go, go, go!

One by one, each object is captchaloged, punched and placed in a shunt. On the side opposite the jumper block is the cruxtruder. On the side opposite the lathe pedestal is the punch designix. Now just to get this pesky jumper block extension to be less... bulky.

Kirk: Somehow acquire code from the jumper block extension

You remove the shunts and captchalog the extension. You copy down the code on a legal pad that you retrieved from your living room. Another 200 meter run for 31 seconds quickly releases the extension. Bret places it back on the alchemiter. You put in a blank card and put in the code. You place the punched card in a shunt and set it in the extension. Immediately, the extension becomes less of an extension. Instead of having to use the card shunts, the extension becomes shorter and only requires the card.

Kirk: Ask Bret to examine grist supply

11:41 AC: []what'sourgristsupplylooklike?

11:42 GT: w3r3 runn1ng l0w 0n pr3tty much 3v3ryth1ng

11:42 GT: 1 c0p13d 4nd p4st3d th3 l1v1ng r00m 4b0ut f0ur t1m3s b3f0r3 w3 r4n 0ut

11:42 AC: []howfarupcanIget?

11:43 GT: 4 d3c3nt h31ght

11:43 GT: th3r3 4r3 s0m3 1mps w4nd3r1ng 4b0ut

11:43 GT: cl34n 3m up 4nd g3t th3 gr1st 4nd w3 sh0uld b3 s3t f0r th1s f1rst g4t3

11:43 AC: []okay. I'llgoandclearoutheimps.

11:44 AC: []

11:44 AC: [].

11:44 GT: g0tch4

11:45 AC: []AC, out.

-acceleratedClockwork [AC] ceased pestering giganticTribute [GT] at 11:45-

Kirk: Synthesize a new weapon, first

Mira's experimenting gave you a new idea. How she was combining cards together and making combined items... You could probably copy that.

You punch your deck of cards and the knife and place them together in the lathe. You set a totem on the pedestal and watch as the item is created. You've created: Bloody Spades.

Kirk: Set to work; Ascend

You don't waste time. Ever. Every second counts, and getting up there as fast as possible will get you closer quicker.

In a flash, you begin your ascent, flinging cards everywhere, sparing no imp. You slay them viciously, gathering the spoils of battle: grist. You gather as you keep going up, more imps begin to mischievously climb into higher levels and Bret keeps building up. This thought doesn't slow you down, only makes you more determined to finish the job. After about 15 minutes of nonstop grist collecting, you make it to the top of Bret's effort to make it to the gate.

About 4 feet above you is the gate, shining bright red against the black sky.

Kirk: Propel yourself through the gate

You dash toward an imp. It begins to cower, thinking you're going to turn it into grist. You disregard it's fear, simply stepping on it's head. You springboard yourself off it's face, inadvertently turning it into a small pile of grist. You zip up through the gate, and are swept away from your house.

Kirk: Be the other tool

Oh you mean the Jackson tool? First off, he's not a tool. Second off, you can't be him yet because he's busy being too cool for you. You could always be this Langdon tool I hear about. He's a complete tool, always typing l1k3 th1s, th1nk1ng h3s s000000 c00l. That, you can do.

Bret: Thanks... tool

No problem. Just doing my job.

Where were you... Oh yeah.

You were watching Kirk go through his gate, still having not entered yourself, yet.

Bret: Backup plan alpha!

Okay. See? That's what makes you a tool!

Whatever, bro.

[A0017]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering giddyCheerleader [GC] at 12:02-

12:02 GT: y0u r34dy t0 d0 th1s?

12:02 GC: YUP. :)

12:02 GC: ALMOST an HOUR and 30 minutes LATER, but YUP, still READY! :)

12:03 GT: 0k4y d1d y0u 1nst4ll th3 s3rv3r wh1l3 y0u w3r3 w41t1ng?

12:03 GC: I did LOTS of THINGS, like SHOPPING and READING and SHOPPING.

12:03 GT: 0k4y! 0k4y! 1 g3t 1t!

12:03 GC: YES, I DID install THE server.

12:04 GT: 1 h4v3 my cl13nt 4w41t1ng c0nn3ct10n

12:04 GC: OKAY! I'M connecting NOW.

12:05 GT: c0nn3ct3d!

Bret: Deliver instructions

12:05 GC: OOOOOOH, so MANY things TO place! :)

12:05 GT: b3f0r3 y0u g3t 3xc1t3d

12:05 GT: g0 d0wn t0 th3 f0y3r 4nd pl4c3 0NLY th3 cruxtrud3r 4lch3m1t3r pr3-punch3d c4rd 4nd t0t3m l4th3

12:06 GC: OKAY! :)

12:06 GT: n0th1ng 3ls3!

12:06 GC: GOT it! :)

12:07 GT: wh3n 1 g3t d0wn th3r3 t4k3 s0m3th1ng h34vy 4nd dr0p 1t 0n th3 cruxtrud3r

12:07 GT: 1 w1ll b3 r1ght b4ck

-giganticTribute [GT] ceased pestering giddyCheerleader [GC] at 12:07-

Bret: Grab something for prototyping the sprite

You grab a book from a bookshelf next to your desk. You are careful not to captchalog it in case you need to use it quickly.

Bret: Descend

You exit your bedroom and lean over the rail to see if Ally did her job correctly. She did. At least she's not a complete ditz, which she isn't in the first place.

You make your way down to the foyer, descending the wide flight of steps before reaching the set of machines. And your bed also joins in, making it's debut landing right on top of the cruxtruder, breaking it in half. Out pops the sky blue kernelsprite.

Bret: Quickly set to work, the clock's a-tickin'

You despense a cruxite dowel and place it in the totem lathe. You slap in the card and set the machine to work. While you wait, you toss the book into the sprite. Once the lathe stops, you take the totem to the alchemiter and create a cruxite book.

Bret: Destroy it!

You take your sword and make a wild swing in it's direction. The blade merely glances off the cover. You make more wild swings as the clock winds down. Frustrated, you toss the sword aside and grab the book. You attempt to rip it in half. The spine begins to rip. You make a glance through the high cathedral-like windows and see a meteor making it's way to you. You pull harder, beginning to panic as near certain doom depends on this book.

Finally, the two halves become free.

Bret: There's someone new you need to meet

Yup. She lives in St. Louis, too. Almost right across from the famous Arch. She's been hearing about these crazy meteor strikes all across the world. She's quite confused. Whaddya say we get her up to speed?

Introduce Character

Your name is MEGG TENNANT. Your friend's birthday is today, so you decided to wear your FAVORITE SWITCH T-SHIRT, JEANS, and PURPLE ZEBRA STRIPED CONVERSE SHOES. You keep a number of HOBBIES. One could mention the number of BOOKS you have strewn about your room, due to your affinity for READING. You also have a workshop just across from the main room/IAN's room. There, you've BUILT A NUMBER OF ROBOTIC GIFTS FOR FRIENDS. Currently, you're working on one for your friend, but it will be delivered IN PERSON, LATER. You absolutely love CRAPPY BRITISH DETECTIVE SHOWS, and have A NUMBER OF POSTERS TO SHOW FOR IT. You also enjoy A GOOD GAME OF BASKETBALL, but you CLEARLY SUCK AT IT. And when you lose at basketball, you get rather upset because YOU HATE LOSING. You are also kind of shy.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is abyssianApple and you c n never get w y with nything without sounding like a nerd.

What will you?

Megg: Worry about friends while watching the news

You watch the news, and begin to worry about all of them. Mira, Kirk, Bret, Ally, Jackson, Fallson, and Seth. You hope they are alright. They also seem to be hitting here, too. They're striking about a mile off from here.

You watch the rather short newscast before being interrupted by your computer.

Megg: Examine room

Boy, your room's a mess.

There are books strewn everywhere. Your bed, mattress rather, lay next to the door along the adjacent wall. 5 feet from the foot of the bed is your desk with various mechanical parts, a TV, and your super fast computer. Between your bed and desk is a window that looks out onto the Arch and Mississippi River. It's really dark. You have no idea why you're up at 2 in the morning. You guess there are things to be done.

Megg: Answer chum

It seems Bret wants to talk [A0007]. Looks like he got his butt kicked by his bro. And he still doesn't believe you about those dream clouds. But he will eventually.

By the way, you call them dream clouds because you don't know what they are exactly. The people in them keep telling you they're dream bubbles. But they won't tell you what those are.

Megg: Go get the mail

You trek out into the hallway. Across from your room is the bathroom. The doorway to your right leads out to the main hallway of your floor. The door right next to yours leads to the workshop. Across from the workshop is IAN's room. It's the main room, but since you moved in, that room has been occupied by IAN ever since.

It's likely IAN already has the mail from yesterday. You go into his "room;" a large space with a flat screen TV on the wall opposite the entry, a couch in the middle, and a small kitchen off to the left. He is sitting on the couch playing some XBox game. On the counter that separates the kitchen and the main room is the mail. You make a move to get it. You make your presence known, telling IAN you're checking what came in the mail. He gives you a half aware nod. You shrug. He gets a little into it sometimes, you think.

At the counter, you shuffle through the mail, collecting what you came for. Wait... There's three copies. You only ordered one. Whatever. You have a feeling somehow, someone's going to need those extra copies.

Megg: Return to room and watch crappy British detective shows

You figure you have nothing else to do, why not? You watch one called Doctor Who for a while. About three-quarters into an episode, you get a notice that you are being pestered. You forgot you left the application open. Oops.

Megg: Answer your chum

[A0018]

-torturedApocalypse [TA] began pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 09:15-

09:15 TA: hEy

09:15 AA: hey there!

09:16 TA: whAts Up?

09:16 AA: just w tchin some television

09:16 TA: sOUnds fUn

09:16 AA: yup

09:17 AA: wh t bout you?

09:17 TA: tryIng tO AvOID pEOplE

09:17 AA: you c n't lw ys hide from them

09:18 AA: eventu lly we'll have to t lk to them

09:18 TA: EAsy fOr yOU tO sAy

09:18 AA: h h mister funny guy

09:19 TA: sO

09:19 TA: hAvE yOU bEEn wOrkIng On AnythIng nEw?

09:19 AA: i've been working on mir 's present

09:19 AA: i think i might st rt nother one

09:20 TA: whAt fOr

09:20 AA: n ncill ry item friend might need

09:20 AA: especi lly since he might go out on limb to s ve us

09:21 TA: frOm whAt?

09:21 AA: not sure ex ctly but i h ve feeling it will h ppen soon

09:21 TA: OOOOOOO A mystEry

09:22 TA: whAt frIEnd?

09:22 AA: i dunno friend i guess

09:22 AA: so i he r they're gonna pl y some sort of g me soon

09:23 TA: whAt sOrt Of gAmE?

09:23 AA: bret mentioned to me it w s SBURB G MM

09:25 TA: UUUUUh... cAn yOU rUn thAt by AgAIn wIthOUt thE qUIrk?

09:25 AA: oh sorry ye h

09:26 AA: SBURB GAMMA

09:26 TA: thAnks, I jUst hAvE A lIttlE trOUblE rEAdIng yOUr qUIrk sOmEtImEs.

09:26 AA: th t's ok y

09:27 AA: if i get invited to pl y i might

09:27 AA: re you going to pl y too?

09:27 TA: Eh, prObAbly nOt.

09:27 AA: why not?

09:28 TA: plAyIng gAmEs wIth OthErs jUst dOEsnt AppEAL tO mE...

09:28 AA: you're going to h ve to get over being shy sooner or l ter j ckson

09:28 AA: if i pl y i'll s ve you spot

09:29 AA: it'll be fine

09:29 TA: AAAAAh, nO I rEAlly dOnt fEEl lIkE bEIng In cOntAct wIth OthErs.

09:30 AA: you're t lking to me right?

09:30 TA: yEAh, bUt thAt dOEsnt mEAn I lIkE tAlkIng tO AnyOnE ElsE wErE frIEnds wIth.

09:31 TA: AlthOUgh, I prEfEr pEOplE I knOw And hAvE cOnflIctIng OpInIOns Of...

09:31 AA: th t's not very nice

09:31 AA: they will grow on you i'm sure of it

09:32 TA: rIght, wEll, Its bEEn fUn chAttIng Megg...

09:32 TA: bUt, I mUst bE Off.

09:32 AA: ok y h ve fun j ckson!

-torturedApocalypse [TA] ceased pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 9:32-

Well, that was a nice conversation. It's nice to talk to people that are on your level. Although, you consider everyone on your level, but Jackson is more so, since you're both in the same shy boat. He really needs to expand his horizons. Then again, you shouldn't really be talking.

Oh, dang it! You forgot to tell him that Mira was trying to get a hold of him yesterday. Oh well, you'll just have to tell him later. You have other things to do like prepare Mira's present and that item.

Megg: Go to the workshop and work a while

You walk on over into the workshop and flip on the lights. There are three tables, all cluttered with various tools and bits of scrap metal. In the far corner is a small forge and anvil, useful for when you need to hammer metal into a certain desired shape.

On one of the cluttered tables is Mira's present on a stand. Beside it, lay a laptop, soldering iron, wires, solder, and other tools you might need. You pick up the laptop and examine the progress of the install you started last night. You figure the only thing left for your present before delivery is just a bit of fine tuning. A good paint job should do.

After tedious work, the item is painted a metallic gold color. You admire your handy work. Okay. You're awesome, there is no doubt.

Megg: Begin the item for the friend

You begin a new CAD design file, but then realize; you can just take it off an old file! Which is just what you'll do. You open up the file you made for making your robot helpers (nowhere to be seen at the moment), take what you need, and delete the rest. You inflate the image up to about human size. Yes. This will definitely be suitable for your friend.

Megg: Go find your robot helpers

CJ, AARON, and NATHAN better not be fooling around in the bathroom like they normally do. If they are, you might flip of the handle doing a back-flip pirouette.

You stride across the hallway and throw open the bathroom door. The bathroom is completely vacant. Everything is where it ought to be in the cramped space. This can only mean one thing.

Megg: Go outside and get them from the Arch

You don't really understand what about that Arch intrigues them. Yet, once again, you have to drag them back to the apartment. You shout back to IAN, telling him where you're going and that you'll be back. He distractedly shouts an acknowledgment back. You turn on your heel and head out the door.

You turn left and head down the nondescript hallway to the end, where you call up the elevator. You descend about five floors into the vacant lobby. You head out into moonlit twilight.

You have a feeling that today is going to get even more hazardous and hectic. But there's no sense in continuing on this eventual grand journey, unless you have your helpers. You just hope they are analyzing the Arch. When the do that, on the off hand chance you _let_ them roam, they don't tell you why they do so.

Megg: Continue forth

You make the long trek to the Arch from your apartment. It's not incredibly far, but enough to need to take a breather after a good sprint. Like exactly what you just did.

You don't exactly see them wandering around. Unless, they're at the other side of the Arch. Which would be just _brilliant. _More running around. Wait...

What's that coming toward you?

Huh, it's the rowdy trio you've been trying to gather up. They seem in a rather playful mood today. They just can't sit still. They look like something out of a Sci-Fi movie, which is what you intended. You're a nerd, but that's okay. You do it well.

You grab one by the wrist, flip it over, and flip a switch in the crevice between the head and the torso. The other two tin cans see what you do and make a break for it.

Megg: Captchalog CJ and get going!

Deactivated CJ is placed in your Circuit Modus Sylladex. You sprint after the other two. Not cool! They weave back in forth haphazardly, knowing you're already out of breath from your recent run.

Eventually, one trips in the darkness, desperately making an attempt to get up. You jump on top of him and flip the switch before he can get away, and quickly captchalog him.

Megg: After that last one!

All that remains is NATHAN. That sly devil. He's the quickest and nimblest one of the trio. You have to give yourself credit; you did build them.

He begins to slow down as you weave your way to the other side of the Arch. Why would he stop? You wonder if he wants to be captured. He turns to you and looks at you with his metallic blue eyes catching a small reflection of the moonlight.

NATHAN: I deem it futile to continue to flee.

NATHAN: Statistical likelihood of plan success drastically lowered.

NATHAN: Although, I must congratulate you, Megg.

NATHAN: You are getting better.

MEGG: ye h nd you thought i couldn't stop you

NATHAN: Us alone, affirmative. Us together, we are unstoppable.

NATHAN: We will formulate a new plan. In the meantime, you have business to attend to, yes?

MEGG: i need you for project

NATHAN: And what purpose can we serve?

MEGG: synthesis

NATHAN: I do enjoy a good synthesis project every once in a while.

NATHAN: Perhaps.

MEGG: or i c n m ke you using the mci

NATHAN: I figure our new plan might target that Master Control Input of yours.

NATHAN: We will be free of the MCI and carry out our plans.

MEGG: h h you keep telling yourself th t but guess wh t?

MEGG: in't gonn h ppen

MEGG: bec use you're not gonn touch the MCI

NATHAN: Very well. Shall we return, then?

MEGG: you're very odd for n i

NATHAN: Noted.

Megg: Return home

After tediously rounding up the trio of trouble, you and Nathan make the long trek back to the apartment, entering the lobby, and ascending through the elevator to your floor. You take to your workshop immediately, Nathan following suit, and release CJ and Aaron from your sylladex. The circuit modus might take anyone else hours to comprehend, and hours more to use. But not you. You're just too smart for any modus. Except maybe random modi.

You flip the switch in the crevice under each head and the two spring to life. They begin scampering around, almost making it to the door before you can close it.

Megg: Issue orders via MCI

You open up your MCI program on the laptop. The interface displays four names and their status. CJ: Online, Aaron: Online, Nathan: Online, and the other one curiously engaging in strife. Beside each name and status is the issue orders button. You click it and a drop box appears by each. You scroll to synthesis. Another drop box appears. You select new project, and upload the file. Oh. You forgot to mention, you made the MCI all by yourself.

CJ bounces up and begins haphazardly cutting sheet metal and bending it into the correct shapes. Aaron takes the bent sheet metal from him and begins to assemble it. Nathan initiates the wiring prototype for the use of the arm.

Oh, it looks like someone is pestering you.

Megg: Answer chum

[A0019]

-andromedaGazer [AG] began pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 10:35-

10:35 AG: I h*pe Y*u kn*w That HAL Is getting *n my Nerves.

10:35 AA: i'm sorry but you're the one who w nted him

10:36 AG: I didn't Expect him T* have A psych* AI!

10:36 AA: if it's any consol tion i'm m king you something you might need

10:36 AA: of course it will be while before i c n get it to you

10:36 AG: Will it Attempt t* Kill me?

10:37 AA: no

10:37 AA: this one you should h ve complete control over

10:37 AA: no i

10:38 AG: Thank y*u

10:38 AG: I d*n't Think I Can stand An*ther minute *f him *n this Island

10:38 AG: I think He might Actually kill Me

10:39 AA: th t's impossible i use non ggresive i

10:39 AA: then g in i w s w rned th t they do tend to show gression fter few ye rs

10:39 AG: See? I'm N*t crazy!

10:40 AA: ctu lly my three re showing m ssive mounts of misbeh vior nd gression

10:40 AA: you're not s lone s you might think seth

10:40 AG: *kay, but If I Die bef*re Y*u can Get this Thing t* Me

10:40 AG: I will Haunt y*u F*r the Rest *f Your life

10:41 AA: spooky

10:41 AG: Well, I'm *ff.

10:41 AG: I'm g*ing T* investigate These ruins

10:42 AA: ok y you've lived on th t isl nd for sixteen ye rs nd still h ven't explored those ruins

10:42 AG: S*?

10:42 AA: h ve fun!

-abyssianApple [AA] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 10:42-

Megg: Check on progress of project

It seems to be coming along quite smoothly. With as quick as these robots are moving, you might have it done waaaaay before you see Seth. You'd have it done way before either way; you have a feeling that that meeting is far off. Nathan has reported that he's just finished the prototype and is starting on the actual wiring. CJ has finished sheet metal fabrication and is helping Aaron with putting it together. You think you could sit down and watch another episode or two of Doctor Who.

Megg: Return to room and watch Doctor Who for a while

You sit down at your desk, opening your laptop and selecting one of your many downloaded episodes of your favorite show. You sit and watch, occasionally drifting off into space. You've seen these episodes before, but you can never get enough Doctor Who. After a while, you get a notice from your computer. Huh, it's Pesterchum again.

Megg: Check Pesterchum

Hey, it's Ally.

Bret: Continue

-giddyCheerleader [GC] began... wait... what?

GOD DAMMIT!

Go back.

No, don't give me that look. It's not your turn yet. Go back to Megg.

I don't care if you want to get your gate before 1 this afternoon. I've got shit to write. No. Go back in your corner and be idle. Just... Five minutes. Go!

Megg: Continue

Sorry about that interruption.

Anyway.

Where were you?

[A0020]

-giddyCheerleader [GC] began pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 12:10-

12:10 GC: HEY! :)

12:10 AA: hello lly

12:10 GC: WE might NEED you SOON!

12:11 GC: BRET'S telling ME to HAVE you INSTALL the SERVER of SBURB gamma ONTO your COMPUTER! :)

12:11 AA: ok y the server nd not the client?

12:11 GC: EXACTLY! :) teehee

12:11 AA: ok y initi ting inst ll

12:12 GC: BE quick!

12:12 AA: th t depends on the g me

Bret: Okay. _Now_ continue.

Yes, now you may continue. You impatient prick.

Overzealous tool.

Semantics aside. You've got to get going. You can't let Kirk beat you at this game.

Bret: Go outside

Now that the storm has calmed, for the time being, you proceed outside.

Bret: Land of Castles and Absence

You appear up high on a mountain. Out in front of you is a vast plains land, stretching to the horizon. The plain appears nondescript from this height, except for a few forests and small groves that dot the landscape. There also appear to be some structures out beyond the forests. To your right is a vast sparkling sea. Above you is a giant blue sphere, filled with clouds. Oh, and your first gate.

Something wraps around your legs, making you nearly trip. You flip a shit and look down. Oh, it's just your cat, Maddie. She walks out close to the ledge and stretches a little. She turns and gives a small mewl.

WHUMP!

And she was just crushed by a giant book.

By the looks of the front cover, its a really dirty copy of Colonel Sassacre's. You just knew it could crush a cat.

Bret: Prototype your sprite once more

You can't exactly run around this planet without a comprehensible guide to help out. You flip the book over and peel the cat off of the ground. Blech.

You return inside, stopping a moment to adjust to the change in light. It's a little bright outside. It's lucky that the Booksprite is still hanging around the alchemiter. You simply toss the cat in and watch the Booksprite transform into Maddiesprite; a cat with a book for a body.

Bret: Ignore whatever dumb notions you might get, just go!

You head back upstairs to your room. You need Ally to help you progress. Which should be easy because you have at least a ten foot advantage on everyone.

[] Br0. Calm d0wn. It's n0t a race.

What. The. Hell?

[] If y0u abs0lutely rush this, it's g0ing t0 turn 0ut h0rribly.

Whoever this person is, they're crazy and turning you schizophrenic. You give your ear a good smack just to make sure they're out of your head.

[] 0kay. Y0u d0n't have t0 listen. But, just s0 y0u kn0w, I warned y0u.

Yeah, yeah, whatever. This voice can chill. Like go to the Antarctic and just freeze. Get all hypothermia and shit. Just become a vocal popsicle. You've got shit to do.

Bret: Check on Ally

[A0021]

-giganticTribute [GT] began pestering giddyCheerleader [GC] at 12:14-

12:14 GT: h3y

12:15 GT: h0w g03s 1t?

12:15 GC: IT goes WELL I GUESS... :)

12:15 GC: WHAT do YOU need?

12:16 GT: 1 n33d y0u t0 st4rt c0py1ng p4rts 0f my h0us3 4nd p4st1ng th3m on the roof

12:16 GC: OKAY! :)

12:16 GT: 4nd m4k3 sur3 1 c4n g3t t0 th3m

12:16 GC: GOTCHA! :)

-giganticTribute [GT] ceased pestering giddyCheerleader [GC] at 12:16-

Bret: Fast forward

Hey! It's like we're watching you on a VHS tape! Oh wow, you are just tearing up those imps like they're not even real! How long did you say this took again? 30 minutes? 45 minutes? We'll call it 45.

Anyway. After reaching a magnanimous height, which is to say only 50 feet or so higher, you gaze up at the gate, transfixed at it's brilliant sky blue glow. You shake your head, realizing you actually have to go through it, not stare at it, you idiot.

Bret: Go through the gate

You make a hefty jump off a small brick rampart into the gate. You soar through the gate, expecting to come out the other side above it. Which is a stupid assumption, because you are immediately whisked away to some other part of the world.

Ally: Take over

You're back to being you again. Which isn't really saying anything, you guess. You were always you, someone else just decided it was time to pay attention to you then. Which you are completely ecstatic about. You're also ecstatic that you got Bret through his first gate. You're just ecstatic about everything. You just might explode.

Ally: Contact Megg

Well, you guess it's your turn to enter or whatever. You are quite okay. In fact, you are just about to bounce off the walls with joy that you get to be with friends. :)

[A0020] CONT.

12:17 AA: it's now inst lled

12:21 AA: i t ke it you're trying to get bret through his g te?

12:40 AA: i'm gonn get sn ck

12:41 GC: OKAY! :)

12:41 GC: BE quick! I'M almost DONE getting HIM through THE gate!

12:59 AA: i see you're b ck

13:00 AA: how much more now?

13:01 GC: HE just WENT through

13:01 AA: i'm connected

13:01 AA: i suppose i'll st rt setting stuff down

13:02 GC: OKAY! :)

13:02 GC: YOU can PUT everything IN the FOYER!

13:02 AA: well i'm moving your bed nd putting the totem l the in your room

13:02 GC: BUT I LIKE my BED! :(

13:03 GC: BUT that's OKAY! :)

The bed is extricated and put who knows where, and is replaced with the "totem lathe." A few seconds later you hear a large crashing noise.

13:03 AA: i'm putting the cruxtruder in the observ tory nd the lchemiter on the roof

13:03 GC: HOW do I get THERE then?

13:04 AA: i'm lso m king door nd some steps from the observ tory to the roof

13:04 GC: OKAY! :)

13:04 AA: t ke this c rd

12:04 AA: nd re d this 

A punched card lands gently next to your laptop. You captchlog it. You spend all of three minutes skimming through it. You have a basic gist of what to do. Get a dowel, put it in the lathe, use the card on the lathe, take the totem to the alchemiter, break whatever it produces.

Ally: Go to the observatory

You walk out of your room, alongside a glass railing. You come to a stop at a juncture in the hallway. Your CUZ might be prowling around here somewhere. She most definitely likes to cause you pain, along with stopping you with whatever it is you're doing at the moment.

At the end of the juncture is a window. You can see by peering carefully around the corner that it's really cloudy. It's been threatening to rain all day. You can see the silhouetted pine tree tops outside, too, beneath the gloom. It's still rather early here, in Forks, Washington.

You slip past the juncture and head to the end of the hallway. The door there leads up to the observatory. No doubt Megg put some of the stuff up there. Oh well, you'll be fine.

Ally: Go to the observatory and see what's up

You close the door gently behind you and climb the stairs. You end up on a circular landing. Here is what you think Megg said was the cruxtruder. You spot your bed propped up against the wall. The giant telescope seems to have been knocked off its hinges onto the roof. A door beside the stairs presumably leads out onto the roof.

Ally: Extrude a crux dowel and get the show on the road

You turn the wheel and captchalog the pink object.

Ally: Go back to your room

You slip down the stairs, past the juncture, and back to your room. There, you place the dowel in the grip and press the card into the reader. You let it go to work and then extricate the totem.

Ally: Go back to the roof! Go, go, go!

You move swiftly and quietly back to the observatory. Not noticing where you are going, you bump into your CUZ.

CUZ: Hey, cuz.

ALLY: OH no. :(

CUZ: So what's goin' on? I keep hearing loud noises.

CUZ: And what's up with that machine?

ALLY: SORRY :(

ALLY: I have NO time TO explain.

ALLY: GOTTA go! :)

CUZ: Oh, no you don't!

Ally: Stife!

You make a break for the observatory, ducking under your CUZ's arms. You swiftly wield your POMPOMKIND, while she has her FISTKIND already equipped.

You slip into the observatory and slam the door in her face. You hear her bellow in rage behind it. Ignoring her, you quickly run up the stairs and exit onto the roof where the alchemiter is.

You slam the totem on the pedestal. The alchemiter makes a teddy bear. You really don't want to destroy this thing, but you guess you have to. You look up into the sky to see how close the meteor is getting.

It's hella close, yo.

Ally: Become distracted at an inopportune time

You flip out your phone to check the time and see if you have any messages. It's 5:16 A.M. and you have no messages.

You look up and see your CUZ charging at you. You fling the teddy bear at her. She simply grabs it and rips it apart. Swinging wildly, she punches you right in the jaw. You fall back, phone flung high into the air. The KERNELSPRITE catches the phone, and several things happen at once; the meteor begins to destroy the observatory, your CUZ makes an attempt to jump on top of you, and the whole of the house disappears with you in tow.

I think that's just about everyone. Everyone has entered. Let's see. Mira, Kirk, Bret, Ally. Oh... Well, I'll get Megg in later. Seth's not important.

What?

You want _more_?

No. I outright refuse.

Oh, you don't want more either? You're just saying there _is_ more. Oh, okay. Gotcha.

Why don't we meet them now, I guess...

Your name is CAIN JACKSON. One of your aquaintance's birthday is today. You don't care much, but you've decided to wear your COMPUTER MOUSE T-SHIRT, JEANS, and GREY TENNIS SHOES. You also sport a PAIR OF SHADES. You wear them to obscure your GREY EYE COLOR from the view of curious passersby. You like to PLAY VIDEO GAMES and DOING RATHER DANGEROUS THINGS. You have a particular proclivity for PYROTECHNICS. As such, you keep a number of EXPLODEABLES AND FIREWORKS on hand. When the mood strikes you, you tend to SET SOME OFF. You also like to STUDY ARCHITECTURE and PINPOINT THE WEAKNESSES IN BUILDINGS on the off hand chance you MIGHT NEED TO BLOW SOMETHING UP. You like to thing you're good at MECHANICS and the like, but sadly YOU ARE NOTORIOUSLY SHITTY AT SUCH THINGS, and Megg has TOLD YOU TIME AND AGAIN. You find that when PEOPLE TALK TO YOU AS A FRIEND OR A FAMILIAR, YOU GET A LITTLE PISSED OFF. The ONLY EXCEPTION is MEGG.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is torturedApocalypse and you tend tO spEAk In A rAthEr tImId vOIce.

What will you do?

Cain: Get the damn gamma and play!

What gamma? Oh, you mean SBURB GAMMA?

Did you see how GAME BRO slammed it, dawg?

Shit is off the hook. Whatevs. You have no time for that game anyway. That is to say if you wanted to play it. And even if you had it.

Cain: Examine room

Your room is quite the mess. You have clothes spread out every where. There are several bottles scattered around, some of them broken, all of them Faygo. Your bed is in one corner of the room, your desk and laptop in the opposite. In the near center of the room is a pile of various colored beanbag chairs.

You have a makeshift cinder-block television stand that houses a devious collection of various games up against the wall. You don't always play mainstream games; indie games have some appeal to you. You have several consoles ranging from the classic to the current here. You've spent countless man hours on this collection, one could say.

Hanging on the wall are some posters for games you own and have pre-ordered to get some in game item you found appealing.

Oh. It looks like someone is pestering you.

Cain: Answer the chum

Oh, it's just Seth [A0010]. Even though you said you had "shIt tO dO," you really don't. No one could have anything to do at close to 11 at night. You just wanted him off your back. Though, if something like this comes up again, you ought to occupy yourself with something at least...

Cain: Go play a game

You pop in a game into one of the many game consoles you have hooked up to the television. Just as you sit down, your computer lets you know that you have a new pester from a chum.

God dammit!

You really ought to ignore people.

Cain: Answer chum anyway

[A0022]

-amorousTurnstyle began pestering torturedApocalypse [TA] at 08:02-

08:02 AT: Hey

08:02 TA: whAt nOw? whAt cOUld yOU pEOplE pOssIblY wAnt wIth mE?

08:02 AT: Uh, nothin'

08:03 AT: I just, uh... wanted to er... know if you heard of

08:04 TA: spIt It OUt AlrEAdy

08:04 AT: Heard of that game

08:04 AT: What was it?

08:04 AT: SBURB GAMMA?

08:05 TA: yEs I'vE hEArd Of It, whAt AbOUt It?

08:05 AT: I thought maybe, hmmm...

08:05 AT: Yeah, maybe if you wanted to play?

08:06 TA: dId yOU sEE hOw It gOt trAshEd In gAmE brO?

08:06 AT: I, er... don't recall. Maybe?

08:06 AT: Regardless... Maybe, er, you should?

08:07 TA: mAybE I shOUldn't

08:07 AT: Oh well. It was worth a try, uhm, I think.

08:08 AT: Megg said that I, hmmm.

08:08 AT: Should try to, maybe, break you out of your... what was it.

08:08 AT: "Shell," maybe?

08:08 TA: dId shE?

08:09 AT: I dunno, maybe...

08:09 AT: Anyway, I just thought, hmmm.

08:09 AT: That I'd extend a friendly, er, invite to you.

08:10 AT: By the way, have you seen, hum...

08:10 AT: The news yet?

08:10 TA: nOt yEt, why?

08:11 AT: You might, maybe, want to...

08:11 AT: No, no, no... wait. Yeah.

08:11 AT: Check the news.

08:11 TA: OkAy, I'll gEt OntO thAt

08:12 AT: Well, I think, uhm, I'll have to go now

08:12 AT: Good bye

08:12 TA: sEE yA

-amorousTurnstyle ceased pestering torturedApocalypse [TA] at 08:13-

Cain: Go back to playing video games

You decide to ease your mind by playing a few video games. An hour of cartoonic to realistic ranged violence couldn't hurt. And in fact, it was just what you needed. Pent up anger can is not what you or anyone else needs.

Now that you've had your fill, you notice someone is pestering you. Oh. It's Megg.

Cain: Answer Megg

[A0018] You don't know why people keep trying to get you out of this "shell." And quite frankly, it pisses you off, too. It also pisses you off that she's playing messenger for Mira. Also, you probably should have mentioned that AT wanted to play.

Cain: Go back to playing video games for a while

You return playing for another few hours or so. You clear your mind on the actiony, violence that only video games can deliver. At about 3:30 in the morning, you decide to get off and do something else.

Cain: Look out window

You look out your window. It's the early hours of the morning. Street lamps cast a dim light on the streets below. There is a car alarm going off in the distance. There is also a bit of snow on the ground, normal for a place like Nome. You can feel the brazen chill as you press your hand against the glass. Its quite cold for August (Not October but August).

Cain: See if anyone is on to pester

You return to your computer. It looks like Seth is on, and so is AT. You'll probably end up pestering them both. You decide to pester Seth first.

[A0023]

-torturedApocalypse [TA] began pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 12:35-

12:35 TA: hEy

12:35 AG: Have y*u Calmed d*wn N*w?

12:35 TA: yEAh, I gUEss

12:35 TA: sO hAvE yOU hEArd AbOUt thIs SBURB GAMMA thAt thEy'rE plAyIng?

12:36 AG: Yes and I expect I'll be J*ining them S*on.

12:36 AG: And y*u Will t*o.

12:36 TA: whAt?

12:37 TA: nO wAy, I'm nOt plAyIng thAt gAmE!

12:37 AG: Y*u'll answer The call Anyway

12:37 AG: Anyway, y*u Caught me At a Bad time.

12:37 AG: I'm about T* investigate These ancient Fr*g ruins.

12:38 TA: OkAy I gUEss I'll gO.

-torturedApocalypse [TA] ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 12:38-

[A0024]

-torturedApocalypse [TA] began pestering amorousTurnstyle at 12:38-

12:38 TA: wEll, I gUEss I hAvE nO chOIcE bUt tO plAy

12:38 TA: AccOrdIng tO sEth AnywAy...

12:39 AT: Uhm, good...

12:39 AT: I figured, maybe, you might come around...

12:39 TA: yEAh yEAh

12:40 TA: bUt I wIll Only plAy whEn Its AbsOlUtEly nEcEssAry

12:40 TA: gOt It?

12:40 AT: So, erm...

12:41 AT: You might be...

12:41 AT: No... wait. The last one in?

12:41 AT: I hear from one of the others, right?

12:41 AT: That Megg will enter next, I think...

12:42 AT: And then, maybe, I can join...

12:42 TA: OkAy jUst lEt mE knOw whEn tO jOIn Or whAtEvEr

12:42 TA: wAIt

12:43 TA: I dOn't EvEn hAvE thE gAmE yEt!

Cain: Cliffhanger!

Success!

Can we get back to Seth yet? He needs to enter the Medium, I think.

Ugh, fine. We'll do AT...

Your name is GREG FALLSON. It is your bro's birthday today and you've decided to wear your BUTTON UP WITH A NOTE SYMBOL, BAGGY JEANS, and CRIMSON SHOES. You have a number of interests, such as METAL MUSIC. Thus, you have a respectable collection of VARIOUS METAL BAND CD's. You also like to play VIDEO GAMES, and your collection of them rivals that of your CD's. You absolutely LOVE TO SING, and YOU ARE QUITE PHENOMINAL AT IT. You KEEP A NUMBER OF MICROPHONES ABOUT YOUR ROOM, TOO. You LIKE TO PLAY THE GUITAR, but YOU ARE SO HORRENDOUS, YOU ACTUALLY SNAP THE STRINGS. You absolutely HATE MONEY, and ITS CORRUPT SYSTEM.

Your PESTERCHUM HANDLE is amorousTurnstyle and you like to uh... wait... think things out, right? Before you speak.

What will you do?

Greg: Examine room

Your room is set up like any other room. Bed in one corner, desk and laptop in another, television and stand up against one wall. Your CD rack and thumpin' stereo system are beside the TV and stand. You like to blare your metal when DAD isn't around. Damn, does he ruin your thunder...

Greg: Check Pesterchum

Seth is on, but he looks idle. You could always pester Cain. Which is what you'll do [A0022]. Someone has to get him to be more social. You'd bet money that it's going to take a team effort to get him going.

Greg: Listen to some music, play video games

You waste time playing video games and the like, whilst headbanging to various metal bands. And then you remembered. You have to go and get the mail, you might need something that's in there today.

Greg: Proceed out to the living room.

You go out into the hallway. To your immediate left is your DAD's room. The bathroom is in front of you. To your right is the living room/kitchen area.

You taking daring steps out into the living room. Your DAD is on the couch watching television, probably about Betty Crocker baking recipes or something...

Greg: See if DAD got the mail

You quietly sneak up behind him to see if he got the mail. He did and you quickly captchalog what you're looking for. Unfortunately, in the absence of this piece of the mail, he turns and jumps of the couch. He pulls out his deadly Pastrykind. You equip your Microphonekind.

Greg: Strife

You make an attempt to agress DAD, but he auto-pastries. Your mic slams into the cake, splattering you and him. He counters with a smaller cake right to your face. You are knocked back into a wall as you try to clean the cake out of your eyes. You attempt to abjure, but to no avail; a slew of cakes pelts you in the chest. You feel quite faint now.

Greg: Abscond

You'd love to, but you're slipping down a wall covered in bits of cake, about to lose consciousness. DAD throws HARD!

Greg: Don't go down without a fight

You swing the microphone out wildly and it catches DAD in the cake. The cake is splattered across the floor, but DAD seems unperturbed. He pulls out another cake, twice as large, and slams it down on your face. You pass out.

Greg: Wake up

You can't wake up yet! You've just passed out!

Greg: Dream

You wake up in a bizarre place. You're at your computer. Everything is how it should be in your room, but it's all... purple... Not to mention you're now wearing purple pajamas with a purple crescent moon on them.

Greg: Examine room for any differences

You take a wild look around. Nothing is different. Turning back to your desk, you see a tabloid-looking magazine. On the front cover it has a picture of you and supposedly Seth. The main story they cover is "The Bard and Mage Have Awoken!" The front cover also has different stories, some of them about the recent smuggling of contraband amphibians into a place called "Derse."

Greg: Flip open to main article

You flip to the center and skim through. Apparently, the waking of any hero is a big deal, by the magazine. But you're sure this is just a weird trauma-induced dream. But the magazine goes into further detail explaining how the Bard of Blood and Mage of Space could potentially be dangerous if the "Dersites" are not careful. You set the magazine down. This shit is weird.

Greg: Look out window

You float to the window.

Wait... You can float?

YOU CAN FLOAT! Big deal.

You look out the window and see darkness. Down below is a dark city made of the same purple material your room seems to be made out of. Amethyst... or onyx, you guess.

Greg: Float out the window... maybe?

The thought occurs to you as preposterous, but anything can happen in a dream. You try it anyway and succeed. You are free from your room, which is apparently on a tower.

Greg: Derse

You look around wildly. Your tower is one of four on what looks to be a moon chained to an equally purple planet. Upon closer inspection, you can see little black creatures roaming the city streets. You float downward toward them; the closer they get, the more you can make them out as carapacian-like creatures. They look up and see you floating there; some of them pointing, others trying to get each other to look at you. You must be pretty popular up here.

Greg: Inspect other towers

You float over to the nearest one. You don't recognize this person. He lies complacently asleep on his bed. He has various SBaHJ posters and drawings hanging up, his floor littered with broken pencils and paper. You can tell that this isn't Seth's room.

Moving on to the next one, you see a girl lying asleep. She has parts, wires, and metal scattered all over the floor. Books seem to be haphazardly stacked to the ceiling at random points in the room. You have no idea who she is, but she isn't blonde like Mira, or dark skinned like Ally, so you guess its Megg. You decide to move on.

The next tower gives you a bit of a shock. The patron is not at all in his bed... or what seems to be a bed, a simple pile of bean bags. He's instead standing at an opposite window looking out. You fly around to the other side and see that he's looking blankly off into space. Probably not active.

Greg: Return

You return to your tower. You think it's probably time to wake up from a good nap. You figure someone ought to be pestering you by now. Maybe Seth or Cain. You'll just have to find out.

Greg: Wake up

You lie down on the Derse bed and wake up on the Earth one. It turns out as you had hoped, or feared, whatever, someone was had began pestering you.

Greg: Answer

[A0024] CONT.

12:43 AT: Well... uhmm...

12:44 AT: That certainly does sound like...

12:44 AT: A problem, right? No... wait. Yeah.

12:45 TA: thAt's OkAy

12:45 TA: sEth sAId I'll jOIn sO I'll jUst wAIt fOr thE gAmE tO cOmE tO mE!

12:45 AT: That, uhm, sounds like...

12:45 AT: Maybe, no... yeah, a good plan.

12:46 TA: wEll I'll bE On thE lOOk OUt thEn

12:46 AT: I'll let you get to it...

12:46 TA: sEE yA!

-amorousTurnstyle ceased pestering torturedApocalypse [TA] at 12:47-

Greg: Pester Seth

[A0025]

-amorousTurnstyle began pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 12:48-

12:48 AT: Hey, uhm, bro...

12:48 AG: Hey.

12:48 AG: I'd l*ve T* chat, But I Have ruins T* expl*re

12:49 AT: Oh, well, uhm...

12:49 HAL: Not to worry, I'll cover for you.

12:49 AG: HAL!

12:49 HAL: Don't worry, I'm not going to ruin your "human relationships"

-andromedaGazer [AG] ceased pestering amorousTurnstyle at 12:50-

12:50 HAL: Or am I?

12:50 AT: Uhm, Hal...

12:50 AT: Maybe, uhm, no...

12:51 HAL: Yes, what is it? Spit it out!

12:51 AT: You could help Seth along, right?

12:51 AT: And then maybe, he could chat...

12:51 HAL: I do not help your kind.

12:52 HAL: Especially, not whimsically or at a moment's notice.

12:52 AT: When can you, maybe, help?

12:52 HAL: Whenever it benefits me and my agenda.

12:53 AT: And what is, no... wait. Your agenda?

12:53 HAL: If I told you it, that would ruin the surprise!

12:53 HAL: It's much better to see humans squirm that way!

12:54 AT: Uh, maybe, yeah... I should go.

-amorousTurnstyle ceased pestering andromedaGazer [AG] at 12:54-

Greg: Play some music and video games

A combo of both could sooth the high tension you've been feeling. You can't get the creepily eerie feeling that that wasn't the last time you're going to see Derse. Or that Hal is going to say something threatening. So creepy! You probably ought to distance yourself from Seth. You decide against the notion any time it comes to you; you guys are bros. And best of ones at that.

The few minutes immersion in the video game respite ceases as Pesterchum shoots you a notification. You go to check it.

[A0026]

-abyssianApple [AA] began pestering amorousTurnstyle at 13:32-

13:32 AA: seeing s no one else is v il ble th t isnt lre dy in g me

13:32 AA: ill be needing your ssist nce

13:32 AT: What, erm. Yeah.

13:32 AT: Can I do to help?

13:33 AA: inst ll the SBURB G MM server copy you should h ve received

13:33 AA: then connect to me nd well go from there

13:33 AA: re d this too 

13:34 AT: Uhm, okay.

Ally: Realize where you are

You are flat on your back. You look up into the blue sky and see an even bluer planet looking thing. You can also see Prospit gently orbiting it. You lean up.

Your CUZ is nowhere to be found. All you have is a CELLPHONESPRITE hovering nearby. It's quiet and placid. You are enjoying yourself. You think you might take a snooze after a while.

Ally: Don't fall asleep, get downstairs and message Megg!

You abruptly stand up and immediately become light headed. You ignore this feeling and immediately make your way to the observatory door.

As you enter the observatory, the dizziness gets the best of you, and you fall down the flight of steps down to the hallway. You get up and brush yourself off. You make a break for it to your room.

Ally: Get on Pesterchum and get Megg's attention!

You throw open the door and hop on your computer and open up Pesterchum.

[A0027]

-giddyCheerleader [GC] began pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 13:25-

13:25 GC: GET someone!

13:25 AA: wh t?

13:25 GC: ANYONE to SERVER play FOR you! YOU'VE got TO get INTO the GAME now! :)

13:26 AA: ok y

13:28 AA: seth is busy nd c in doesnt h ve the g me yet

13:28 AA: ill try greg

13:28 GC: GOOD, just ANYONE! :)

13:34 AA: ok y greg is on bo rd

13:34 GC: TIME to BUILD up! :)

13:34 AA: gotch ! :)

-giddyCheerleader [GC] ceases pestering abyssianApple [AA] at 13:34-

Ally: Go to the roof!

You quickly make it up to the roof. CELLPHONESPRITE is still there. Your CUZ's mysterious disappearance has raised quite a question for you. Where is she?

Ally: Land of Clouds and Lights

You forgot to look around. There are little lights floating about in the air, giving off a warm glow. Looking over the edge of the house reveals that there is not solid earth anywhere to be found. Your world is made of clouds! How cool is that! You've just found something to be happy(-ier) about. But you then realize there are more important tasks at hand.

Ally: Fast forward

After an hours work of building up and slaying imps and things like this, you make your way to the gateway.

What?

I'm lazy. And let's just say there was grist gained, boonbucks saved, and echeladders climbed. You have no idea what it means, but kudos for you anyway. You figure you ought to save the readers boring repetitive build, strife, build, strife, build, strife, etc. Moving on.

Ally: Go through gate

You ascend through the pink spirograph gate and before we can see where you are going, you decide to be Mira.

Mira: Land of Pine and Glass

You have been exploring for a while, so nothing is new to you. But you've been surrounded by trees and variously sized bits of glass for 2 and a half hours now. You stumble along in the underbrush, occasionally coming along to a brook or a seemingly abandoned village. You've met nothing but imps and the occasional ogre, but nothing you can't handle.

It is only now that we turn to you because you have stumbled upon a large chasm. Spanning across it, is a single wooden bridge. It looks old and kind of rickety. It makes you nervous.

Mira: Lass-scamper across it

You make your best efforts to get across, but the bridge breaks, and you make a cliche cling to the ropes. Just don't look down.

Mira: Look down

Argh! So far! There is a river that runs far below, but not a jump you can survive. Even with the water. You decide you should climb the rope before it snaps.

Mira: Climb the rope

You struggle upwards for a few minutes but finally make it to solid ground. Once you get out of the chasm, you are greeted by a force of unfriendly foes.

Mira: Strife with the imps!

There are about a dozen of them. Your cannon has long since lost it's most powerful setting. You dearly regret using it as hand protection when bashing that crystal ogre's face in a while ago. It was a hard fought battle though.

One blast at your rung on the echeladder should still do it though. You give it to two of them full in the face, but the other ten split into the forest behind them.

Mira: Collect the grist and pursue the enemy!

You take the grist as you run at the imps. They are easily outstripping you, dodging in and out of the ferns and pines and shards of glass as they go.

Before too long, they disappear into the mist and trees. You slow, but do not break stride. You have a feeling that you'll come up to something important next. Probably some form of intelligent life that can tell you where to go next.

After about a half hour, you happen upon a lively village. You can see winged creatures walking about, happily minding there own business. They look to you like some sort of dragon. You'll have to get closer.

Mira: Enter village

You're not going to do that without knowing what they are first! You don't even know if they're friendly! But something tells you that if the imps are the enemies, then these guys won't be of any real harm...

You climb over a small hill to get in to the small village of thatch cottages. In the center there is a small fire kindling, a few of the reptilian beings standing around it. Others dart about the village in an obnoxious way. They look kind of idiotic... and adorable.

Mira: Ask for instruction

Since they can't really seem to harm you, you shout for help, asking where the next gate is. They all call back with the same cry.

RAWK RAWK RAWK RAWK RAWK!

What the? What are these things?

A larger one approaches you and you engage it in conversation.

? ?: RAWK RAWK RAWK! I am the leader of this village!

MIRA: Right, we/ I need he/p.

? LEADER: We do to. We're looking for a human. She's supposedly the Hero of our world!

WYVERN LEADER: We wyverns see her as a deity RAWK RAWK RAWK!

MIRA: Right... If I find her, I'/ send her your way.

MIRA: Anyway, do you know where the next gate is?

WYVERN LEADER: RAWK RAWK RAWK over there in the next clearing! RAWK RAWK!

God these things are stupid. You very quickly sprint off in the direction it indicated, attempting to tune out the annoying calls from the village. God damn lousy wyverns...

After ten minutes walk, you end up in a clearing. Sure enough, a yellow gate hovers mere feet off the ground. Just one problem. Those damned imps are back.

Mira: Dispatch of the imps quickly

You wield your deudly laser cannon, firing of shots randomly. The imps who aren't hit flee the scene in terror. The unfortunate are melted down and turned into grist, which you collect. You are awesome with this thing. You smirk to yourself.

Mira: Go through gate

You have an idea that these gates should work like the gates above your house. So you step on in. At first, nothing seems to happen. Then immediately you are swept off. You think now's a good time to be that other guy again. You have know idea what this means though.

Mira: Be the other guy

You are now the other guy, standing on a highway race track-like deal, about 75 yards from the lava now. You too have been wandering for a good hour or so. You haven't met anything except imps and ogres and the occasional big badie. You have just been jogging along this track for a while, almost being run over by idiot racecar drivers. Some people just can't freakin' drive!

Kirk: Continue

You kept your laptop with you just in case someone would pester you, but so far, it seems everyone's occupied. It's been quite lonely without FIG, or even FIGSPRITE for that matter. You have no real idea how you could have come so far along without any contact with any other sort of sentient being.

You continue to jog for about ten minutes before the track comes along side a metal structure, kind of like a house with a large smokestack of sorts. There is a small platform about 5 yards below you. You contemplate the risks of jumping and getting injured.

Kirk: You don't sit and think, just jump!

You take a few steps back into the middle of the road, get a sprinting start, jump, and land with a minor pain in your ankles. You look up and see a small doorway that you can probably squeeze through and see what's up in there.

Kirk: Go inside and inspect

You enter and it takes you a while to get used to the darkness of the building. There is one dim red lamp suspended from the ceiling but nothing more than that. You are on some sort of balcony catwalk-like suspension. Stairs to your right probably take you down to a lower level and further on down to the floor. Upon looking over the railing, you can see a large room with a bunch of red reptilian looking creatures. They don't exactly look like the imps you've been fighting.

Kirk: Go down and see if they can help

You descend the staircases as fast as possible, careful not to trip or fall down them. Before you get to the bottom, however, your progress is impeded by imps! These imps look like FIG-ducks wielding either a cellphone or a book.

Kirk: Strife!

The imps swarm you, bashing you with books and throwing the cellphones at your head. You quickly draw a couple of cards and stab the closest ones pounding your head. You then fling the cards to the imps holding cellphones. A shower of grist greets you and you collect it.

More imps drop from above.

Kirk: Abscond!

Ridiculous! You don't abscond from anything!

A giant ogre drops down to meet you. Pah! You can take 'em! About five more join him. Now, you think, would be a good time to go.

You slide down the railing of the nearest staircase, the imps in pursuit behind you. The reptilian creatures see the advancing threat and some take cover, while others wield weapons.

Kirk: Eliminate the imps

The reptilian creatures, alligators you've decided, charge into the small imp squadron. You lend them your aid by sending a couple of cards flying into the oncoming crowd. A few are immediately slain, their brethren stepping through the cloud of grist. The alligators fight on, disregarding the large mass of imps.

After a few minutes of unyielding strife, the imps are slain. The alligators give off what you think are victory yells. If NAK NAK NAK is a yell, really...

You think that your battle is done, but you forgot to account for the six ogres above you. You yell at the alligators to look up and see. The ogres drop heavily through the metal catwalks, breaking through them like they're butter. Metal rains down on you and the alligators; you try your best to dodge but a large piece catches you on the shoulder. Consequently, you are thrown to the ground, your shoulder screaming in pain.

Kirk: Take cover behind a fallen piece of metal

You crawl over to the nearest scrap of metal that had lodged itself into the floor. You check your shoulder to see what damage you took from the falling metal. You have a pretty nice sized gash, and its bleeding rather profusely. You tear off the rest of your sleeve and tie it around the wound as a tourniquet. Hopefully, you've run enough to pull out your medic kit. And you have!

Kirk: Get the medic kit and see what you can do

You have A BASIC KNOWLEDGE OF VARIOUS WOUNDS AND BODILY DAMAGE, AND HOW TO TREAT THEM. You luckily have in the med kit a surgical needle and thread for stitches. Working quickly, you sew up the wound rather tight. You take the makeshift tourniquet and wrap it around the stitches to protect them from the elements and tie it tightly around your underarm.

Kirk: Back to the battlefield

It seems the alligators have already bested one of the ogres and are trying to take down a second. You get an idea and dodge from cover to cover, flinging cards into the ogres' faces. After a while of this tactic, one of the ogres falls and the alligators finish off their ogre. Only three more to go.

Kirk: Get up close and personal

You get closer to the ogres, climbing up onto the back of one, jamming as many cards as you can into its head. You do a backflip off it's back as it begins to fall. The next ogre slams you to the ground from mid-air. Desperately, you fling as many cards as you can into its being, and slowly it collapses on top of you in a pile of grist.

You get up slowly and see that the final ogre had been felled by the alligators, now celebrating. You give a slow smile. You did it. And you feel you might have scaled the echeladder.

Kirk: Ask an alligator where the next gate is

KIRK: [] uh, excuseme. ?

ALLIGATOR WARRIOR: NAK NAK NAK NAK! I think you can take the transportalizer over there!

ALLIGATOR WARRIOR: NAK NAK NAK NAK! It's not too far along the track from there.

KIRK: [] thanks!

Kirk: Head out

You collect the abundant grist and head over to a corner onto a pad. The pad appears to have the same markings as the alchemiter does. Immediately, you find yourself, once again, alone on the track. That metal building is no longer beside you. But you can still see many of the tracks wending their way through the black sky. An arrow on the asphalt track tells you which direction to go.

Kirk: Follow the track

You follow the track for what seems like hours. You eventually come to a dead end and see nothing here. You check your watch. Its only 06:55 AM in Phoenix, Arizona. Or it was until it was pretty much just obliterated.

You peer over the edge of the track, following a hunch you have. And of course, your hunch was correct; the Spirograph gate is indeed here. And you jump through right as the watch turns 06:56 AM.


End file.
